Worthless Promises

I sat and thought,
of all I've done wrong.
I see your struggle
with love and trust.
You gave me your heart
to prove you've healed
and I broke it.
You deserve better,
a girl that won't vacillate,
a gilr who'll love you,
a girl who won't forget promises,
a girl who'll have time for y ou.

As I sit here now,
lying awake in bed,
thinking of all that has gone wrong,
your heart lies breaking.
I look at my past with you,
yet all I see are blank pages.
Looking at the future,
all I see is you.

I lie awake at night remembering,
and my days are filled wtih you.
This strange phenomenon
showing you before me
instead of behind,
tears me to pieces,
breaking my own heart,
tearing asunder the bond I had.

Once it was just you and me,
that's all we cared about.
But times changed,
you still were thinking about us,
I was thinking of me.
We fought and thought we had over come it,
now I see it was leading here all along.

You were all I wanted,
I dreamed constantly,
wanting to love you as much as you did me.
Now, I see what others saw,
our paths have slowly split,
pulling me away.
I tried so hard,
and yet it wasn't hard enough.

I beat myself for the hurt I've caused
but it causes no lasting impact.
I lay here crying,
begging it to be different,
but it won't budge.
My heart has gone from soft and warm
to cold stone, overnight.
What I once saw as love
no longer impacts my emotions.
You deserve better.
I'm not for you,
I'll just hurt you.

You need someone,
someone worth your affections.
My half-efforts are worthless
compared to your devotions.
There is another out there for you,
someone who cares for you,
and will treat you right.
You don't deserve my vacillations,
you deserve devotion.

My attempts were worthless,
my heart, not given freely anymore.
My footsteps lead off the path,
pulling me away.
I am tugged on all sides by others,
but their tugs only open my eyes.
I see what they see.
I see that one doesn't want you hurt,
and she saw what I was doing.

My guilt runs deep.
My heart is dust.
I can no longer see where I'm going,
my way is dark and unilluminated.
No light guides my feet,
no words draw me.
I cannot say why this has occured,
my heart just fell apart.

I am blind,
unable to see the past,
the future shows only you,
yet how can this be true?
You are no longer there,
I've pushed you away,
allowing no one entrance to my soul.

My heart is encased in a box,
a box of iron and brass.
Inside the box are magnets,
pulling and strengthening my emotions:
emotions of desolation, despair, and pain.

I can only imagine your pain,
far worse than mine.
I can see your heart shattered,
your emotions flaring,
and your mind unstable.

I can't believe I did this,
hurting you the way I have.
I promised I wouldn't,
and I tried not to,
but I can't keep my promise.
I feel these words cutting like
glass into your soul.
I see your heart ripped to pieces.

I don't understand how I could be so cruel,
so unkind, and unjust.
Why did I do it?
My soul wishes to touch yours,
to comfort you,
but how can I when I am the pain?
How can I fix my worthless devotion?
Why can't I feel?
My promises are empty.
I cannot trust myself,
how am I to trust others?

My mind is breaking,
seeing the massacre I've created in your heart.
I die inside
knowing it's all for nothing.
This all because of worthless promises,
that is all I give,
Worthless promises.