My Addiction

Training my mind, draining lover of an all new unfamiliar kind
Of all the losses my heart has taken
I can’t imagine the one I am to endure if in this, deceit is what I find
All this chaos and controversy, my soul full of grey turbulent waters
Their waves crashing within the walls of my mind
I peer through the smoky air, searching for my feeble counterpart
I do not see her
I cannot find her
I want nothing more than to run away
But I feel almost paralyzed
Struck stupid
Devastatingly stuck, looking for what? 
The crack cupid…….
The dense humid air in which I sit melts my pride and integrity
I wish I could remember how I succumbed to this all time low
My life used to flow
My mind used to want nothing more but to simply grow
I desperately want out of this
But my exit has yet to show
I guess when the day comes that it does
I’ll know