Allpoetry Rules
In a perfect world, everyone would behave and we wouldn't have any rules. But arguments break out, and sensationalism gets more reads, so we have some rules. We've tried as much as possible to maintain your freedom of speech.
Overview
1. Your being here is contingent upon your snogging the screen when you see a cute member. We reserve the right to refuse your snog, for any reason, at any time.
2. Comments should be empty-headed. Please attempt to make negative comments. Anything is better than nothing.
3. Contests are the reflection of the insecurities of the author they are created by, and we do not regulate insecurities, only phobias, especially spiders.
4. If you are sensitive to swear words, then this is the place to be desensitized.
5. The administration reserves the right to be pompous a-holes. This means me, and I can and will read your IM's any time I feel like it. Such readings are not logged.
6. If you have a concern or complaint about any page, then breathe into a paper bag while twirling about.
7. Moderators generally do not seek out problems, for they create enough as it is, and are expertly trained to do so by me.
8. If you are unhappy with an experience with a moderator, you can start a discussion on the discussion board and slander and libel the prick any time you like.
9. If you have what appears to be an irresolvable problem with another author and hire a hitman, then we offer a "better your social skills" course on Thursdays. Cost: $500/hr.
You Cannot
1. Plagiarize your own works unless you claim them as someone elses. Failure to do so results in an immediate 1 week spanking.
2. Post works that are your own, even when you credit them as someone elses. On user pages, this is only enforced by bribery.
3. Post works that reference other members in a derogatory manner, unless the subject is a complete asswipe.
4. Harass, stalk, or verbally abuse another user unless you've completed our ‘Harassing, Stalking, and Abusing Other Members" Course. Cost: $500/hr.
5. Spam IM's for free ($10/spam), spam comments for free ($15/spam), spam applauses for free ($2/clappy guy) or spam board or chat posts clamoring for reads for free ($20/spam).
6. Use non-G rated language in usernames like ‘boogerhead' or ‘fartnose' or ‘dunglicker' or ‘smellyfingerBob' (those would be PG)
7. Post images that are pornographic, excessively violent, or otherwise disturbing that do not excite, wretch, or disturb the moderator.
8. Post stories with sexual themes without giving us a cut in your publishing profits.
9. Disguise words to get around the profanity filter, like ‘ucker-fay' or 'it-shay' or 'ick-dweed' or ‘it-shed'.
10. Promote boring activities.
11. Engage in sexually explicit talk with people over the age of 80, no matter how sexuality desirable they are.
12. Lie about your age if you are a miner.
13. Troll, or consistently attempt to cause community unrest. On second thought, I enjoy a challenge.
14. Repeatedly ignore a moderator's unreasonable request.
15. Attempt to get around bans by creating counter bans.
When a member breaks the rules, the member is deemed ‘stinky'. They will first receive a stinky sticker, then a stinky flag, then a stinky banner, then a ban roll-on stick of deodorant. If you still stink, you'll be relegated to the stinky bin.
BONUS: If you fix my Rich-Text Editor you'll receive a free lifetime supply of Snickerdoodles (about one and a half bags. Don't ask who ate the other half a bag.)
Gold trophy winner
Adding your comment:
What the hell. I live here too dammit!
