Craving to sharpen my teeth on their bones
wanting to bask in transcending darkness
and truly be alone.
Burnt planes of flowers decayed,
ashes of pain beautifully dead
blacks and browns burnt crunching
beneath my feet
People, demons, angels, alike churn twist and break
to change the same sky quickening, air thickening
choking out the breathing i'm living on as blood
dripped with sin eats out the sun
Here i discover where to lay
my cover of the raven black heart
and the borken lover
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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You have quite the talent with a pen.. or keyboard. I really enjoyed this poem. Good write! :]
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I loved the imagery in this one. Your words are so powerful. I love the rhythm in this one, it really helps the overall effect of the piece. It really is powerful... What you are talking about.. The images... It put into my head... The lovely wording.
~ Truly amazing job here...
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I can't believe I did not see this one. Another one of my favorites by you. Sounds like a wicked romance written in William Cullen Bryant/Edgar Allan Poe style, only more towards the dark romanticist style. What a wonderful write indeed.
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Wow this isn't usually the type of poem I go for, like the subject and stuff but, wow, this one really changed my mind.
This has so many little details hidden within it, its amazing.
♥
You are an amazing poet!
-C.A. -
a strong start
good imagery, particularly towards the end. just a few spelling issues that detract from one really being able to "get into" your write, so to speak, as they can be a bit distracting for some of us. 1st line: their, not there, different meanings and all. 3rd line: truly. 7th line: beneath. (you also might consider putting spaces after the commas in line 8) line 10: choking. last line: broken (probably a typo, i know). hope i was helpful. i enjoyed reading your piece, i just think it would be made even stronger were it to have those few errors fixed. best of luck with your future writing
~shadowlyn -
I really liked this - nice use of language. A couple of typos, but if you meant broken lover in the last line, that really hits home.
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wow
dark,but,love the way it all came together....keep ya head up.........drea
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Oh, that's awesome. It's like a sick, twisted, blood lust love story with a tragic twist to the relationship. Yeah, that won't make sense, does it? Oh well. I loved it. The imagery is just so vivid. My favourite lines had to be
"Craving to sharpen my teeth on there bones" and
"People,demons,angels,alike churn twist and break
to change the same sky quickening, air thickening
chokeing out the breathing i'm living on as blood
dripped with sin eats out the sun"
That's awesome.
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