So many hours left till yesterday,
backspacing with every minute
to the place I once belonged,
to the day I stopped counting.
The night burns,still wearing your smell
with its darkness so close to my skin.
Stars become numb
belonging no more.
Moon is ticking their end
I forgive
You forget
We'll disappear too...
11:06 pm
Author notes
...
A contest entry
- All Thats Left Of Yesterday by Saree Wynter.
600 points, ended October 21, 2007, 51 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Whole lot of leaving by Sam-I-Am.
600 points, ended December 10, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cold Regret by DesolatELifE.
689 points, ended December 15, 2007, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pimp up my honorable mention or trophyless by leander.
400 points, ended December 4, 2007, 86 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I feel you will never return to me by googe.
600 points, ended January 8, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Let's Do It Again ~ Pre-write Quickie. by StormGoddess.
300 points, ended January 19, 2008, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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yes.
the style is amazing. it hits you without you really being able to point out what it hits you with...if that makes sense...its really really good, the imagery is powerful, and also the imagery doesnt seem at all like you tried too hard, as it often does in mostly-metaphor-poems in general...
good job!
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Those first three lines are amazing. And the rest of the piece has some very haunting images. Good luck in the millions of contests it is entered in. lol.
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Poignant
that was a very poignant write, rich in emotions and vivid in imagery.
I think that you did a great job in describing painful and lonely emotions in only a few words. And your description of the situation was so clear and precise that i could feel the way time was ticking by so slowly in the poem.
A very breathtaking poem!
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this is such a great write. Keep up the good work.
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Oh boy, this could apply to so many situations in life. I love the first line, it is very thought provoking. You've encompassed a curiosity with this write. Thank you for entering and good luck. Storm
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I don't know how you do it, but you manage to hold such a worldly feel in your poetry, I really like this moment in time you've displayed here
the act of 'backspacing minutes' is one I wish that I invented it
Thanks for this entry!
Leander -
I do like the first line a lot!
And I like 'stars become numb' almost as much.
I like this because it's short, so doesn't take long to read (which is always handy when I've little time to be here), and it's written well in those few lines it has.
I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for entering. Good luck. -
intereting, short and very good good luck in my contest
midnight -
Powerful...I am amazed by your writing. The way you express yourself in such a way that is so enchanting.. Also the expression of your choice of words leaves me craving for more..
The night burns,still wearing your smell
A great write..
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oooo very pretty, very rytmic too, i could feel a slow yet urgent pull of despair in this one as u remind the other that he too will disapper with u someday
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NICE
I sooooooo like wha you have come up with for this contest. Perfectly done!!!!
POETDONTKNOWIT -
Wow, it's really beautiful. And so honest.
I really love the very first line. I can't really define why. I sense the regret in this piece, and I get the impression that the speaker has done or said something that they regret.
One question I have is why is it centred? Is it adding anything to the piece itself? I see a lot of poems that are centred in this way, and I find it distracting. Words such as these don't need gimmicks like justification.
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well...the main reason for why is it centered is to create that strange feeling of time dripping by just like liquid, minutes falling towards an ending yet not determined...this vertical structure so on purpouse underlined was meant to add more to the effect of gravity as the pain caused by those lost moments never to return again,brings the spirit to the very ground...
P.S: thank you very much for the comment!
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"Stars become numb" love that line, and great concept.
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"The moon is ticking their end" That's cool. Also the title/last line to me gives the inbetween bit the feeling of always being written. As if you can always think, this is current, this is now. Odd feeling, but yes.
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nevertheless,the title and the last line somehow suggest that avoiding of the end that you were talking about by constantly remembering the begining as in this poem the clock is virtually ticking backwards,from 11:07 to 11:06.all in one,thank you very much for the comment!it means a lot
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this is awesome i love the imagery with the darkness, the stars, and the moon. great write
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Wow! Miss Stranger, may I say, I think this is your best poem so far! It amazed me in a way few poems manage to. CONGRATULATIONS!
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thank you ,Vi! your opinion means so much to me!
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