No brother, please, I don’t want to play your game,
let me be a child, at least for one more day.
I already offer my devotional love
don’t take anymore than that—don’t take me.
I’m only 9, I don’t know anything
what you say is right becomes a part of me
and I don’t even know what you’re doing
or the imprint it will leave on me.
Oh Daddy, oh Daddy, please won’t you save me?
Where are you and why won’t you come rescue me?
Daddy—please Daddy…
I’m 9, I’m s’posed to dream of bouquet’s
and weddings and romance and Prince Charming
but I shudder at male touches
because what will they take from me?
Please—please don’t take me.
Oh Daddy, oh Daddy, why couldn’t you save me?
Waited until this first and last rescue
before you turned your back on me?
Daddy, is that all that love means;
a guy seizes all of a girl for the taking?
Because now that I’m 20, mine’s wasted away
given all up when my brother conquered me.
Daddy, please, why weren’t you there for me?
To stop him, to take him off of me?
Now I read romance full of longing
love stories, movies, observing society,
and guy’s that I fall for—
I think only one thing,
“Please. Please, don’t take me.”
And hold onto myself 'til my arms are bruising
Daddy, where were you, where are you for me?
Daddy, please Daddy…save me.
Author notes
Hmm...this wasn't supposed to be about my father when I first started writing it. In fact, the plight of no father in the home has become so common that I always feel foolish complaining about it.
I didn't even know I thought this question of my father until I wrote this.
Oh, and I should mention--these are words that should have been spoken--words that my 9 year old mind didn't even know enough to comprehend.
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Wow...very touching, very moving. I'm sorry you've had to go through that. It sounds so typical to suggest counseling but it helped me. You used the right words to express your pain. Writing is a great tool to let it out and get closure.
Take care,
Poesy
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I really liked this poem and took it to heart. I wasn't abused by a brother, but my mother and my father hardly stood up for me. I'm sorry that your father wasn't there for you too. It's hard for a child to endure pain from someone they love. And when they grow up, that pain doesn't go away. Take it from me, I'm still dealing with it.
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You have expressed some very deep emotion and pain here. Way too many experience this horrific kind of abuse as children, including myself. You are right, as a child we did not have the tools or the vocabulary to speak what needed to be spoken. But we can now be a loud voice for other innocent children, and keep trying to break the cycle. I recently wrote something similar you may be interested in. http://allpoetry.com/poem/4387201
Writing can be so healing and you did a wonderful job putting something so painful onto paper. Blessings, Patty
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i was 7, it wasnt my brother, but it was family. your poem hit me so hard. you have a beautiful way of expressing what you think and feel. i realy loved this poem. If you ever want to talk im always here.
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I quite liked this, the repetition. It's something that I use, or used to use, in poetry. A very affective technique.
Ah, and I do believe daddy issues have become a universal theme in our generation (I have my own for the same reason you wrote about and for many others;leaving me with my psychotic mother -.-). It's sometimes an abused subject but one that isn't terrible expressing. I have a 'daddy' poem myself (I like refering to these subject poems as 'daddy' poems because of Sylvia Plath's famous poem "Daddy"; she's always been an inspiration).
The theme of wanting to be saved was nicely tied in with being 9, and as you mentioned, dreaming of Prince Charming's and weddings: Things that go so well together.
"Now I read romance full of longing
love stories, movies, observing society,
and guy’s that I fall for—
I think only one thing,
“Please. Please, don’t take me.”
And hold onto myself 'til my arms are bruising"
I find that stanza to be a very powerful one, emotion-wise and word-wise.
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You've captured all of my attention, perhaps it was your emotional way of expression or the repetitiveness of parts, but it draws the reader into your arms, but as themselves relating as you, leaving them wanting but finding emptiness and finger-length bruises on their arms.
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I've sat here and tried to write exactly how I'm feeling about this poem, but there are no words to describe how it affected me. Your pain is something I know very well, and I'm actually sitting here crying because of how this one affected me. This is an amazing poem, you have a great talent for writing. Your ability to write out the pain and anguish... I am just amazed. Another fantastic job.
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There are NO words to describe how this piece affected me. My tears come of their own free will because I KNOW how painful this is. Forgive, but NEVER forget and remember your pain makes you stronger.
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this poem is marvelous. you have great talent. My dad was never there either, but love will come one day and cure the pain... At least i hope. We have to have something good to look forward to... so even if it doesn't... lets just pretend. :[ But we will... it's not a question of "if" rather than "when"
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amazing absolutely amazing and I know the pain first hand. be strong and know that you are loved.
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I really understand this poem. We want our daddies to always protect us. I'm sorry about your exprience. Can you forgive him?
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This, ok...gemme a sec...**takes a deep breath** ....It's drawn me in...every single line, to the very last. Held me captive and made my heart scream out for you. The words are brilliant...you can nearly hear the poor girl screaming...begging...and pleading for someone to save her. For someone to take her away from the brother..It's astonishing. You took the pain, the anguish and wrote it all out in words. It's breathtaking!!!
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I write the same way...I'll freewrite
and be astonished at what words I use, and what I am revealing in
each line. This was a very real raw beautiful write.
I did this also in :Put Beer in your gardens-a moonbeam journey,
this woman is me and a lot of others who have touched my life.
I think beautiful Poet, that you have Moonbeam strength in you to
write boldly and fearlessly poems that don't hide under the coffee table,
but words that people say, Damn...you've got to read this, and show
it to all their friends...impact writer you are, like a bold lighthouse,
you are only 20 whoa! Golden placements I see on your table!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
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This was an emotional piece for me personally because I had a similar experience growing up... it wasn't my brother but it was someone who I had grown up with... and I too was 9.... I remember I was so young I didn't even know the word "digits" Because I remember when it was happening I was thinking, "I'm not even two numbers yet." So yeah... I really applaud you for being brave enough to talk about it and face it as a problem.
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Wow. I am sorry about your past. I can relate to you in many ways. I won't go into details. But this is a true poem. Where are the dad's at in the homes of america today? Why aint they ever there to take care of their children? Why? Because in most cases, they are the ones doing the abusing. I am glad that your dad never did this to you. In any case, no kid should ever have to go through this turmoil. Thanks for sharing this.
God Bless You!!
Charles -
Powerful and Moving
This is where the heart reveals the trust that the ego tries to hide. You write beautifully, and expressed such honesty. i loved this write. Thank You for sharing.
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Vivacious troubles rend the mind of pasts that cannot be resolved. It was beautifully expressed to your heart's desire...bravo
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The troubles of your past seem to make you who you are, yet at the same time you're still fighting personal demons. It's an on going battle and it might last your whole life. There is a limit to what you can do about it though, so the best thing is to not let it over come you. It's deep and it lets us in on your soul yet it keeps the most vulrunable parts secret. Very Impressive, indeed.
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It's good that this poem has given you that bit of knowledge of yourself and thoughts.
I like the flow of this and the past and the present because that's what so many abused children feel. The later is often just as hard if not harder than the past because it's like a neverending cycle and we end up punishing ourselves by not letting ourselves live a normal life.
If only I knew how to change that for everyone.
Do take care, be safe and do what you feel is right when it comes to your brother.
♥
Bandaid.
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This made me cry ....No one should have to ever suffer that !
Saddely penned , it broke my heart .
so sorry
~Lisa~
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It's so beautiful it sends shivers down my spine.
So painful, I can feel this poem. You are a wonderful writer. i can only pray that what you wrote about wont haunt you forever
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Strange, sometimes what flows out
when the fingers tap the keys,
ideas and emotions, old hauntings
all spill on the page.
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no father=shame on society
it's sad anymore... i can't imagine what that's like, but there's no way i could sit back and watch it happen. i just wish there was some way we could actually make a difference in all of that...
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