Bright beams of sunlight
inch in through the cracks of her window,
illuminating the figurines gracing her walls
one by one.
Brilliant blue eyes open,
and dance about her room.
Her eyes fall on her figurines,
still and tranquil,
bathing in the sunlight
and she smiles.
She gazes in wonder out of the transparent glass,
down at the world below,
"Oh what magnificent color!" she exclaims.
With a burst of energy,
she soars through her open window,
into the azure sky.
Prudence has gone out to play.
****
She watches through a foggy, broken window
silently eyeing the world outside,
waiting for the world to turn.
It rotates slowly,
and through impatient sighs,
she whispers soundless prayers.
Outside, she sees a distorted world,
gray figures floating by her sunken eyes,
all dulled by a cold, hard, and ashen sky.
Supremely slaved, she sits in her high tower,
counting the dust mites in her dusty world
one by one
And with her hands clamped together,
Prudence waits,
dead and still,
dangling from a marionette string.
****
Author notes
Inspiration: Dear Prudence by the Beatles
I believe the story goes like this. The song "Dear Prudence" was written by the Beatles for Mia Farrow's sister who had locked herself in her room and wouldn't come out "to play." They compare Prudence of now, to the prudence of her childhood. They want her to be free, and run around and play, but she stays locked in her room, her eyes not open to the bright blue sky. This poem shows the prudence of yesterday, with the trapped prudence of today. It's a pretty loose interpretation, but I hope you can see the connection, and that it's not just me.
As usual, and always and forever, ratings and comments are greatly appreciated. Thanks!
Love always,
ModernXTimes
In a list
A contest entry
- Across the Universe by dreamsxcalling.
400 points, ended October 10, 2007, 3 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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The sun is out,
the sky is blue
It's beautiful
and so is...
This
Really really good...
"Brilliant blue eyes open"
Digged those lines...
Oh btw. Listen to the guitar on high volume for that song. Theres a high and a low part being played on 1 guitar. Its simple, yet actually rythmically sooo complicated... (ha dunno why I had to say that)
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Love this...
As a Beatle/Lennon fan myself I was compelled to read.
Great descriptive narrative, rhythm & flow...
Fantastic use of metaphor, wordplay & great word choices made for a captivating & thought provoking read...
Well done!!!
'All my loving'
'From me to you'
Fritz........ (Sorry, I'm being silly.LOL!)
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lol
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Not really familiar with this one of theirs but I will try and check it out..it has a beauty...and wistful..childhood dreams...when times where different..instead of playing with the marionette..it is now dangling and still...so sad..wonderful write
I too have entered this comp (not to win).. to tell some about visiting Johns house here in Liverpool affected me deeply..would love it if you would comment, it would be good to know that others have shared in what I have written Hugs Lib x x
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thanks so much for entering!!!! Good luck!
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yay for sad poems
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sad poem.
lol
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Its a very intresting write i deffinatly like the tone and it flowed very well.
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This is pretty good! I especially like the second part. The first is just a bit TOO happy, if you ask me. I especially think "bathing in their daily dose of sunshine" might be better as simply "bathing in the sunlight" or something along those lines. But really, it's supposed to be nostalgically looking back, and it's given meaning by being contrasted with the grim present in the second part, so that's not a huge problem. The main thing is that you didn't really make it clear that the first stanza is looking back, and I was confused at the transition. I thought that the second part was describing a whole different person, sadly watching happy Prudence playing from her lonely room. Perhaps you could put the first part in past tense? This poem has great potential and you've done really well with it overall!
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Constructive criticism rules!! I like some of the points you brought up. I might just apply them to the poem. Thanks!!
And about the past tense thing. I'm not sure. I really didn't want to put it into past tense because we are with Prudence in the beginning, not looking back on her. But if it's confusing, I just might. -
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I agree, past tense might not be the best solution. I just don't think it's clear that it's the same person in both parts, but at different times. That's just what I think, though. The final say is always yours!
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I think I will take that into consideration though. Maybe I'll include Prudence's name in the second part or something. Thanks for your suggestion anyways!
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oooh i like this. its interesting...the first part is happy and its almost like im in the room with her. and the second part is amazing!
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wow. I am sooo glad that prudence finally came out to play. YAY! that song always made me so sad how she never went out to play like the whole time. you made the song happy! yay!
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right...the poem's happy. Just keep thinking that
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