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Pristine Princess

Here in the forest of Burl,
heir to the Queen Mother of Pearl.

In the land south of Honeydew Bridge
lies the kingdom of White Thorn Ridge.
As sunlight filtered through the trees,
cast spot-light sun rays down beneath
clear water creeks meander and turn,
magic is growing inside the Leather-leaf fern.

You're the forest Princess and angel pristine,

our fresh heir of emerald light misted green.

Author notes

10 lines picture prompt

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 10 of 10
  • the chase
    October 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery is trying to stand out, but all I seem to be able to focus on is the complete lack of punctuation. Also in line 9 "Your" is supposed to be "You're".


    • Roaddog Wolf
      October 19, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      thanks for the useful critique

      made the changes, not too good with punctuation , need to find some useful guidelines to read.
      thanks

      • the chase
        October 19, 2007
        Edit | Reply
        It's looking better

        In this sentence -
        "As sunlight filtered through the trees,
        cast spot-light sun rays down beneath
        clear water creeks meander and turn,
        magic is growing in Leather-leaf fern."

        "down beneath
        clear water creeks meander and turn,
        magic is growing" -- something is not right here.. the sentence changes here partway through and doesn't make sense.. read it out loud to yourself.


  • warrior-eagle
    October 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Aw. I liked this.very detailed and even better with a picture.


  • HeavenonEarth
    October 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Gorgeous!

    This is beautiful and loved the metaphoric images you placed ever so delicately within this piece. I'm elated you still penned it. Thank you so much for still allowing the piece to inspire you. You did not cut this short at all with the poetry penned.
    Much love & Many blessings~
    ~Joy


  • HeavenonEarth
    October 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I've already started judging fellow poet how about if you enter the next contest?


  • HeavenonEarth
    October 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hi there poet would like to know if you are still penning for this contest or not. I am commenting now but won't be judging until later tonight. you still have time I have a client to see but would like to know none the less..

    • Roaddog Wolf
      October 1, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      sorry I will have my poem in an hour if its too latr DQ no problem


  • HeavenonEarth
    September 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering
    Pictures are up- All the best to you~
    You have 24 hours

1 - 10 of 10