"My favorite time of the year..."
He whispers roughly, blatantly mad.
Carelessly, he shaves away
Slivers of orange pumpkin skin
With no particular goal.
"This is for you, love!"
The man mutters insanely.
Silver moonlight drenches
His dramatic hollowed features.
A twisted smile pulls at his lips
As he digs his gray nails
Into the pumpkin
And drags them down
Through its soft shell.
"I've got something for you,"
He somehow growls invitingly.
"Oh yes, you'll like this very much."
Licking the juice from his fingertips,
He eyes the separated slivers.
Gathering them up into his hands,
He whispers "Yes...yes..."
Then into the basement he descends
And finds his way to the elevated crawl.
Faint noises escape from inside
As he nears the heavily locked door.
"You'll like this very much, I think,"
And then quietly he cackles,
"Say, love, 'trick or treat'."
A contest entry
- HALLOWEEN EXTRAVAGANZA - Open til Oct. 31st by Little Eagle.
9800 points, ended November 3, 2007, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Halloween Anything!!! by near1202apocalypse.
550 points, ended October 16, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Thanks for your entry
Very creepy, wonder what was down there lol. You left it all up to the imagination, which is always the most frightening thing to do. You set the stage nicely then let everyone bring their own fear lol
Happy Halloween
Tammy
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Disturbing!
Thios is disturbing! very excellent for halloween!!! Good luck in the contest!
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Wow... Chills Shivers and frightful thoughts. One creepy man you've written about. I love it. Very spooky and frightful. Keep up the good work and good luck in the contest
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Wicked!
First impression? I don't ever want to meet him! It was a great poem, you described the man very well, I have a horrid image of him in my mind that won't go away..lol. You have definitely scored a 10 on the *shiver 'n' chills* meter! Best of luck in the contest! -
ummm, i dont know about this one, not really my cup of tea... i do however like the story behijnd it, and the last line is pure magic "say, love, 'trick or treat'"... so clappy points to you
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Interesting. I loved these lines:
Licking the juice from his fingertips,
He eyes the separated slivers.
Gathering them up into his hands,
He whispers "Yes...yes..."
Then into the basement he descends
And finds his way to the elevated crawl.
Faint noises escape from inside
As he nears the heavily locked door.
"You'll like this very much, I think,"
And then quietly he cackles,
"Say, love, 'trick or treat'."
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The story is good and compelling but it reads as prose in the main rather than poetry. the third fourth and fifth lines for instance make no sense read as separate lines,
This is a critique rather than a criticism, there is nothing superior about poetry and in this case I find the "poemisation" makes it much harder to read.
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WOOT WOOT
That poems is oh so very awesome, I love halloween , it's the best holiday in my opinion . GOOD JOB!
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I do so love Halloween and you have penned a great entry for this contest. I loved it! Good luck dear poet!
midnight lace
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