I stepped on a needle today.
I let it stay inside and bleed,
the hate wasn't forced...
It grew fast like thistle weed.
Swelling and pussing,
Drinking and cussing.
Anger never leaves the correct impression,
It only leads to fateful regression.
Have to push out this noxious pill.
Kill all the demons that reside inside,
pickup my pitiful declining pride.
Re-construct this ineffective will,
re-organize what is left still.
Must surgically cut out the daily decay,
stop life from rotting away.
I know this lowly time is not to last,
it's just a repeat of the past.
A contest entry
- A Moment in Time (contest by sinnastarr) by Sinnastarr.
590 points, ended December 31, 2007, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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Wow the metaphor in this is really deep. I really feel the sadness and intense emotion in this. Nicely done. Hope to read a lot more from you. ~ Mykeee
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Intense
As a recovering self-mutilator I had feelings of same in this poem.
"pickup my pitiful declining pride.
Re-construct this ineffective will," very good line that speaks a language I know well. It is a lot of rhyming, but you have handled it well. I wish you the best in the contest.
Wolfie
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Must surgically cut out the daily decay,
stop life from rotting away.
I know this lowly time is not to last,
it's just a repeat of the past.
This is a wonderful revealation here well done... -
So true of depression. I like how in the poem you seem to be fighting against the negative feelings you're having inside. I like "I know this lowly time is not to last, it's just a repeat of the past." Mind surgery.....interesting notion.
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Oh do I feel the need to purge in this work poet! I have been there many times and with the new year approaching, it's that time again. This poem is filled with fiery emotions. The visuals are haunting but the poem itself is well written. I wish you the best in the challenge.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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Your poem has a lot of strong emotion in it. At first I didn't even notice the rhyming, captured by what you had to say and the way that you had worded it, but then later I started to feel like your writing was captured within the rhyming and that you could have conveyed things slightly different if it weren't for that.
But either way, i really like this poem, quite a bit. I love your diction and especially your choice of verbs... strong and dark. :} -
Now here is someone of sound mind! I enjoyed this write, and its message too. More should be reading this, and take from its lessons for the journey of the New Year. FransB
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letting off steam is the best way to keep the anger from mutiplying, from my experience.
the last stanza pretty much sums up how I would deal with it!
GBY
Silverbutterfly -
sweetness!
this is awsome! I am absolutely in love with ur poem! this tells it all! its jus like a song that u want to hear over and over again because u can relate to it so much. I love it! keep up the good work! -
this was an interesting piece. I rather enjoyed the concept you have used here. The piece flowed well and was very easy to read and well written.
Good job on this one.
Thank you so much for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck. -
This was actually a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. I must admit, when I clicked on it to open, at first I thought I was going to get this depressing poem about how life did someone wrong or cutting or something besides what I got.
I must say, this is really well thought out and written. The flow was good and the rhyme was right on.
Becky
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WOW! that was brutal and beautiful
reallly enjoyed how you flowed it too! An open poem
that we could all relate to some event in our lives,
really good job! You gave us enough imagery and even
grossed us out a little too...I enjoyed your close
the stanza, I know this lowly time is not to last,
it's just a repeat of the past....the struggle to hope
to recognize even confess it.
You did this so damn well!
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : )))
pick up my pitiful declining pride...whoa!
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excellent
I love this. It was graphic but the first part was good. The poem really flowed well and I was amazed at some of hte visuals comign off of it. We have all been there and the way you wrote this was a good way to express how bad it gets sometimes.
good write.
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