My love and I rake
a thousand ruby kisses
into an earthen altar,
lit ‘neath low-hung Venus.
With incense of sweetest
supple-tongued chocolate and
yielding golden-skinned
puffed confection
we invoke her blessing
between graham cracker wafers.
Diane L. Busch
Author notes
Some of my favorite autumn joys, raking leaves together, and s'mores!
A contest entry
- The Poem of the Month (POM) by Arkbear.
700 points, ended October 1, 2007, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 46th Contest by Tarja.
770 points, ended November 2, 2007, 4 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 'TIME AFTER TIME' CONTEST by Olivias Violin.
300 points, ended November 16, 2007, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I WAS ROBBED!!!!!!!! (Invite Only) by ten thousand cicadas.
1800 points, ended April 10, 2008, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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stopping by again before final judging to let you know again how much i enjoyed this. the earthen altar and the smore offering were just delightful to my imagination. excellent.
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Loved it! The imagery and wording were immaculate. Such a fantastic way to describe a common event, turned romantic, that everyone can feel again with you.
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"Some of my favorite autumn joys, raking leaves together, and s'mores!" - I agree!
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Congrats on the bronze trophy. Though I am truly not a fan of this style of poetry, I have to say you won me over completely with your imagery. It was so... original and ach... I just loved that you talked about leaves and smores! Well done!! I LOVED IT!
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I loved those first three lines I can see the scratched xx alongside the offerings.
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Thank you, ronnica, for your kind comment and clappies! Always did love s'mores, especially on a cool autumn evening!
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You and the silver award winner had the same background - found that interesting - mustbesomething in this that grabs one's attention - is is a lovely one. Congrats on taking bronze in this POM contest.
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Wow - this is great. I love the lightheartedness and simple but strong imagery mixed with the interesting layout. It tells a story but is still in poetic form. I'm not usually a fan of short writes, but this pulls me in from the beginning and leaves me very satisfied. A most unique subject, and really perfect for this time of year. I have no suggestions at this time. Well done!
Best wishes,
~J. -
Aww ~
Now.....I don't know what the other Judges are going to say about this....but I like it!
I loved the imagery....I love the setting.....I loved the story told......and I really loved that you did all of this in so few lines ~
Your presentation is layed out very well, and I felt a calmness about this entry ~
I could feel the love between partners are they are making the smores ~
Mmmmm...lovely choice of thoughts to pen for us this month ~
You left out your THEME in your Authors' Notes.....and that little mistake right there will cost you a whole point in the last category ~
There is nothing I hate more, than to take away points for that.....but it is the Rules ~
Please do not attempt to edit it, as all Judges will need to see it unedited ~
:)
Good luck Poet,
Bear ~
Title 9.4
Flow 10
Depth 10
Theme 9.9
Feelings 10
Grammar 9.5
Presentation 9.8
Uncommonness 9.8
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.6
Ability to follow Rules 10
Bears Score: 98.0
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I love this! What can I say? It's so very well written as to catch me up in the emotion and emagery of it to the negation of analyzing it's poetic device and method. This was a pure delight to read.
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read and comment, Everwind Rising! I am delighted you enjoyed it!
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