clasped in treasured emptiness
‘twixt mirrored shells
laying as prayered hands
to point to seabed’s horizon
dwells a hidden perfection,
an unspinning world of divine wonder
whose secret luster awaits,
in dark-watered womb,
the breeching fingers of Light
to induce birthing of Truth’s reflection--
an unflawed surface
longs to shimmer before awed eyes.
yet hides in the deepest center of its heart
a jagged black speck of hated debris
known only to itself
and God
In a list
A contest entry
- Feeling Love In Pearl To Cry...PIF...2500 points by kaibab.
2500 points, ended September 30, 2007, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BRING Y0UR BEST by DAMSELx.
600 points, ended February 11, 2008, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - November Rounds by CitrineSunrise.
700 points, ended November 12, 2008, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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You have captured the image of the ocean in such beautiful language. The use of the word "shimmer" gave me a clue to the author's identity, but I know there are few poets who could describe the mundane in this way. The title is perfect and the layers of meaning become more evident with each reading. I know you will be challenged with the next round and I look forward to reading your entry. Peace, Liz
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This is a great poem; your imagery is beautiful and perfectly reinforces your message. The shift at the end, towards mentioning the 'jagged black speck of hated debris' was a great way to conclude.
Because I am a huge literature nerd, I have to admit that the combination of a kind of religious overtone and the image of the pearl reminded me of the Medieval poem of the same name by the author of "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight." I'm not sure if that was intended or if my English-Major craziness is showing itself, but I thought it was interesting all the same.
Good luck in the contest!
-C -
Absolutely beautiful! Gorgeous "clasped in treasured emptiness" and "prayered hands to point"! Love the "unspinning world of divine wonder", and "breeching fingers of light". You caught the sense of amazed breath-taking in "unflawed surface longs to shimmer before awed eyes". And what excellently penned life truths in the final beautiful four lines. How very much of what is fine in our natures evolves from the struggle to overcome weakness or injury! Outstanding write
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Congrats on the shiney bronze!
A wonderfully written poem, loved the imagery and the way the words tumble along off the tongue.
very nice indeed
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The opening stanza here is remarkable. The reader is automatically drawn in and prepared for something spiritual, something sacred by the way you have described this oyster. "treasured emptiness"--that's awesome!
I love the telling nature of the next line, "dwells a hidden perfection." Upon first read it provides some intriguing foreshadowing of what is to come, but in retrospect, it speaks so very strongly of the work that is in progress, a work of perfection, albeit hidden. The words are straightforward, yet speak of much more depth than surface discovery would allow.
This line floored me-- "unspinning world of divine wonder." THAT ROCKS!!! That you describe the process of change as a world in and of itself makes it something grand, mysterious, perhaps even unfathomable. That you call it "unspinning" blows me away. It is contrasted with the world that IS spinning, and as such is not of this world, of the spinning Earth--which you go on to say more specifically with "divine wonder". The repetition of the same idea stated differently-not of this Earth/and divine-- makes the impact so much the greater.
The birthing imagery you incorporate so perfectly fits with the process, and your description of the dark-watered womb and the induction that the awaited Light will bring is remarkable.
This beautiful expectation of reflected TRUTH is MASTERFULLY contrasted with "truth" that, after all, there is something hidden, something secret, and it is not just the reflected beauty, which is real and present, but it is also the ugly--the grit of the heart, the despised darkness from which we seek to be redeemed.
And herein is the irony, and the profound beauty-- It is the struggle with that grit that allows the treasure to be formed. The way you juxtaposed the anticipated luster and the jagged, secret debris was genius and added such power and punch to the ending of your poem.
You did some beautiful things technically with internal rhyming and flawless line breaks that added such beauty and power to the piece. Your metaphor is excellent, as always.
Once again, you have touched my heart with your depth of understanding and protrayal of the human condition of the spiritual truths. This was an excellent piece of poetry and of truth.
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We are beautiful to know this sandy start
is crystal shell of earthen grain
to grow in layer of love to lather
secret sighs of sea to gather...
thanks so much for theis lovely entry
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excellent imagery...
I love pearls best of all...
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A stunning take on the prompt! This is truly amazing, not that I am sirprised. You talent shines!I love the imagery you created here, so very close to what was asked for. Love the last four lines,
'yet hides in the deepest center of it’s heart
a jagged black speck of hated debris
known only to itself
and God'
Just beautiful.
All the best but I doubt you'll need it
Gaylene
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