Walked the corridor down the hall
Ten thousand stood up like wings
Reaching soul’s crusade battle fall
Its silent victor slept in boxcar cling
Ten thousand stood up like wings
Its diligent appraiser lies beneath
Its silent victor slept in boxcar cling
As skeletons demise its last bequeath
Its diligent appraiser lies beneath
The raspy soot upon the ash grave
As skeletons demise its last bequeath
Its story beyond the silencer enslaved
The raspy soot upon the ash grave
Lies ten thousand souls unclaimed
Its story beyond the silencer enslaved
Tortured beyond the camp inflamed
Lies ten thousand souls unclaimed
One tear silence this day of screams
Tortured beyond the camp inflame
Bled the souls no more reserved, redeem
One tear silence this day of screams
Ten more felt the painted smile today
Bled the souls no more reserved, redeem
Blinded of its light oppression decay
Ten more felt the painted smile today,
reaching soul’s crusade battle fall,
blinded of its light oppression decay.
walked the corridor down the hall
Author notes
Pantoum
The pantoum consists of a series of quatrains rhyming ABAB in which the second and fourth lines
of a quatrain recur as the first and third lines in the succeeding quatrain; each quatrain introduces a
new second rhyme as BCBC, CDCD. The first line of the series recurs as the last line of the closing
quatrain, and third line of the poem recurs as the second line of the closing quatrain, rhyming ZAZA.
The design is simple:
Line 1
Line 2
Line 3
Line 4
Line 5 (repeat of line 2)
Line 6
Line 7 (repeat of line 4)
Line 8
Continue with as many stanzas as you wish, but the ending stanzathen repeats the second and
fourth lines of the previous stanza (as its first and third lines), and also repeats the third line of
the first stanza, as its second line, and the first line of the first stanza as its fourth. So the first
line of the poem is also the last.
Last stanza:
Line 2 of previous stanza
Line 3 of first stanza
Line 4 of previous stanza
Line 1 of first stanza
In a list
A contest entry
- The Pantoum Challenge by Denierim.
2000 points, ended September 30, 2007, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Largest Contest On AP!!!! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
3000 points, ended August 26, 2008, 1706 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites? Sure! by xCandieKissesx.
300 points, ended August 29, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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One tear silence this day of screams
Ten more felt the painted smile today
Bled the souls no more reserved, redeem
Blinded of its light oppression decay
Great! I love the word "blinded" for some odd reason! Thank you and good luck!
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Thank u
Thank u for wonderful sentiments give to my poem. I'm glad u liked my poem. Kendhal22
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Now this is surely a piece of talent here, hard to master a piece like this the way you did. Very well done!
I loved the content of the poem, it kept my interest and wouldn't change a thing!
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Now this is good, and so hard to write like that. Congratulations! I hope to be reading more of your writes soon, and keep up the good work!
All the best,
~Stephi-Dawne~
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Over the line limit-- must disqualify.
I encourage you to re-enter! -
Wow amazing poem! I love the imagery and flow! You don;t see this form of poetry used too often, and it was great to see! Fantastic write!
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thank u
Thank u for the wonderful critique given to my poem. Kendhal22
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wow great piece, very deep thought, lots of imagery, good luck in the contest
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thank u
thank u for the applaudes and the wonderful critique u gave to my poem. Kendhal22
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This is a very deep poem. At first I was a bit uncomfortable of the fact this piece wasn't put to stanzas like Pantoums usually are, but the message itself was deep enough to make me forget about that.
Your imagery is amazing, how you created a scene filled with methaphores before the reader, and I wouldn't change anything about the wording. Such a dark yet beautiful story you told with this one. Wonderful work!
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thank u
Would u believe this first I ever did this form, it is amazing. Thank u for the wonderful critique given to my poem. Sorry I didn't get this in sooner, just been sitting in my word document for a while, trying different forms. Kendhal22
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