The smoke sneaks down my throat before inhaling
Dancing round the tables of the crowded room
Across the hazy space you held my glance
The filter touches my lips, deathly seductive
I look away choking on the nerves
Clouded by ash and flame
I raise my selfishly demanding hand
Another dirty martini sits in front of me
I get lost in nicotine and the manic liquor
And those bewitching eyes
I feel it all wash over me, barricading me
Holding me in my seat, arresting my thoughts
You make the move, stalking your prey
I know too well how to play the victim
You whisper your fiction in my willing ear
You require my body, I clamor for the intoxicant
You offer assistance to cover my tab
Your money cannot make me sell my soul
I yearn to be held and adored
but all you can offer is brief touch and lust
You feel my restraint, and offer more false truths
I turn away from your empty emotion
You chuckle and turn to find your next 'true love'
I hunt the green olive out of my half empty glass
You leave with the blonde in the little black dress
As I leave with the brunette in a polo
Tucked in my wallet picture book
Smiling wickedly at me, knowing she still holds my heart
Author notes
This is my first poem in a while, so I am a little nervous about putting it out there
In a list
A contest entry
- My Pain, My Pride, These Scars are Mine. by Epilogue.
600 points, ended October 9, 2007, 30 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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There is a loneliness yet a good strength of spirit and character in this piece. Strong observations very well put forward, draws the reader in.
Good write and congrats on bronze.
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Wonderful!
This was beautifully written. I can relate to this poem as well, the whole being in a club scenery meeting new people, guys whom want to try to get with you. I like the whole idea in this, with the imagery provided it all came together perfectly. Loved these lines "You offer assistance to cover my tab
Your money cannot make me sell my soul
I yearn to be held and adored
but all you can offer is brief touch and lust" That is exactly like me, what I would have thought/said in that situation. Keep writing, friend! You have great potential
Bella -
This echoes an unmistakeably air of hopeless loneliness. It is tragic that I identify with this poem so well- since no one should ever have to feel this way. It showcases the various ways different individuals seek "love" in society- some search for acceptance while others merely seek sex. The desperate just seek affection in any form despite what they're actually looking for. But sex without love as well as affection without basis will only leave the individual feeling emptier and often rather guilty. It seems as if you are still attatched to someone you felt once loved you and are looking for anyone in any circumstance to just take their place. It won't be easy. Instead of just looking for some sort of temporary relief like just another person, or even ciggarettes and martinis, evaluate what you really want out of a lasting relationship and decide what fulfillment you are searching for to be the basis of a new relationship.
~elizabeth~ -
wow wonderful imagery produced here top class writing and i love the flow of this
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A wonderful write with vivid imagery. A range of emotions expressed through your words. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
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Wow... I certainly wasn't expecting this from a 19 year old! Most people with college degrees strive to be able to write this beautifully. I love the imagery and picture you paint! Amazing! I am honestly impressed!
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Wow, this is a great poem, you have no reason to be nervous about anything, this poem fills of imagery, and a lot of us can relate to it, i know i can.
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Thank you for your most powerful and well written entry, Josephine
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I love this...it's brillant!!! the way you set the scene and aint everything so well with your words...its amazing!!!
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Baby, this is AMAZING! I always love reading what you write!
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nicely done
if this is your first piece in a while, then I cant wait to read more as you write more. in my eyes this is excellent modern poetry, keep writing...peace -
WOW this is fantastic..An intoxicating piece..
The flow of this is truly wonderful..
For a first write this is really an excellent piece of poetry..
Thank you for sharing..
Best wishes with this entry..
Peace
~A~
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You have caught the mood, the moment,
the angst, the conflicts.
Your words speak strongly.
Aesthete
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awsome
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Wowezer this is great. Dont'ca just love drunkin nights. lol. I love this, its truely amazing.
This is my favorite part.
I get lost in nicotine and the manic liquor
And those bewitching eyes
I feel it all wash over me, barricading me
Holding me in my seat, arresting my thoughts
Its just great good job, and very good write. Keep it up!!!
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