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Acid Tears Fall

"Gang Violence Takes Another Life"
The headline for today's paper reads.
I hang my head in silence
That was you, wasn't it, Steve.

I warned you it could happen
I told you to get out.
But nothing really mattered
Your gone, no doubt.

I remember how we used to laugh
All the fun times that we had.
They are nothing more than shadows
That haunt my very past.

I remember the day exactly
Outside you were.
They drove by and shot you
My insides did stir.

On my lap you laid

Your eyes almost closed.
"I'm sorry, " you whispered
And there was no more.

Honey, your the reason
Why these acid tears fall.
Maybe if you would have made the right choices
These tears wouldn't have been shed at all.

September 28, 2007

Author notes

This is based on so many common stories that happen all the time....please tell me what you think...

Ale E

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Death of the Author
    November 3, 2007

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    It is such a shame some of the aspects of society we live in. This is a well written and poignant piece. To me the flow could too with a little work, and "closed" and "more" don't rhyme so that stanza doesn't fit in with the others.

    I remember how we used to laugh
    All the fun times that we had.
    They are nothing more than shadows
    That haunt my very past.

    To me, that is the best stanza. A great write, highlighting one of the endless flaws in our society. Thanks for entering and good luck in my and others contests.

    Take care x


  • crystallynnbradford
    October 30, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i love how you made it rhyme, you really worked that and the topic is so depressing but interesting and I really liked it a lot...it was an enjoyment for me to read and I like it when people post "real" problems in the world...humanity is fucked. Anyways, this is an awesome write. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest


  • VisionEmpty
    October 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Well written

    I really liked this poem, it seems personal yet very general at the same time. A good write


  • yourbentangel
    October 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    what do I think? I think it is absolutely amazing, I love the gift that you have and how you have chosen to use it. This was truly wonderful, I am very glad that I have read it and even more so that I was lucky enough to have clicked on it


  • zeroism
    October 11, 2007

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    Smashing!

    the speaker seems mourning to a man whom she loved. despite of her warning he gets involved with gansters and gets shot-dead! a common story but written flawlessly!!!

  • Mercury Rising
    October 4, 2007

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    A very sad and poignant poem that was very emotional and touching. Best of luck in my contest, and thanks for entering.

    David


  • bonjourbunnie
    October 4, 2007

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    Very sad and very true. I go to a highschool that has a high gang activity, and so this strikes home. Thank you for sharing this with me, and good luck.

  • Liquid memories
    October 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    thank you


  • kooleyes
    September 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Your imagery is awesome. The story you tell is one that happens way to often. The flow is great. Great choice of words. Thanks for the read and keep on writing

1 - 9 of 9