escaping from the clutter
of the usual noise
into our secret world
as I had known it to be
into the great darkness
we gazed
needed to talk with you
so hurt you were
and I couldn't just watch
asked you a couple of questions
these tears-
came to my eyes
but didn't flow
I know they came to yours too
I noticed
how could you hold them back?
it wasn't the easiest thing
to live through
couldn't bear it
seeing you
with such a heavy heart
put my arms right around your shoulders
and stayed in that moment
for a brief time
--------------
then quite recently
you saw a sadness in me
and put your arms around me
then gave me a hug
when the bus was almost there!
would it be wrong then
to call you
priceless?
Author notes
option 3~
A contest entry
- One Moment by Beating.
375 points, ended October 8, 2007, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Memories Of You. by Poetryintheblood.
450 points, ended October 14, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Did You Win A Gold Trophy? by Nam.
525 points, ended October 19, 2007, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 5 options for the creative poet (17) by bananasfoster42.
525 points, ended November 20, 2007, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - My Bestest by GypsyEyes.
375 points, ended January 29, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Give Me Everything! by Uncle Haku.
1400 points, ended March 10, 2008, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Friendships are never what they appear by Silent.enigma.
360 points, ended March 13, 2008, 30 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Enter All Your Personal Writes Here (Part IV) by xxRainbowDawnxx.
900 points, ended May 24, 2008, 208 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Awww this is so sweet and heartbreaking at the same time, makes me want to break out in tears...again.
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I can tell this is by the same author as "rose," and my comment on punctuation and capitalization holds true for this poem as well. That aside, I found this poem good but unremarkable. It had its strong points, but it was a bit scattered.
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i love your imagery in this poem! you express your feelings very well! i wish you good luck in my contest and thank you for entering!
NineTailedFox -
awesome write. please be sure to put the option you chose. thanks for the entry!!
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"put my arms right around your shoulders" - I do not feel that the usage of "right" is needed here. Other than that, a nice poem that you have written here.
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, Josephine
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wow. This is just so sweet and truly something I've felt before. It's the simplest things that make us value a person, and yeah... want to call them priceless. They keep the everyday going. Great job!
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awww this gave me the chills...I guess a moment like this is priceless and will always stay in your memory
I loved it
good luck in this contest
XXJeannette
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