I can still feel yesterday coursing through me with every breath;
{lips to forehead as my breasts rose and fell against your neck,
my heart beating as yours slowed, fingertips tracing a crew cut head,
minutes forgetting the hour as you slept}; in love, and missing you.
A contest entry
- I Could Never Be The One You Want by tigress3737.
600 points, ended November 17, 2007, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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A sweet, sensual, sentimental poem. Its simple but poignant and thank you for entering this piece in my contest
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this was sweet, but bordering on erotica, at least for me. however, still a nice write. thank you for entering!
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I can see what you mean, how-ever can assure you we were only sleeping.
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I adore the simplicity of this. You have written a very powerful piece in so few words. Best of luck in the contest!
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Ohhh very interesting. I think that this is so classy... so elegantly written. However I do believe it could benefit by being a little longer but overall this was an amazing piece. Well done.
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That's actually really well observed (the briefness), as this is actually an abbreviated version of another of my poems "November". Over time I'll probably end up developing this a litter more separately though.
Thanks for the honest observation,
(I recycle my stuff quite a lot
)
=> Jess
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This was really beautiful writing!
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THis is short and to the point and I liked it too.
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Thank you for your beautiful entry, Josephine
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Nice write, I take it from the title, that it's been a month since he went. But you have grasped the last moments of togetherness. Surprising what being apart from your loved one can make you write.
Very nice poem
All the best
~T.S~
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