Masochistic smiles circle drains
but she writes of supernovas
and pretends not to burn.
Listening to black holes
she swears she can almost
hear the stars scream like they use to.
Because she's on the verge of something more,
making follicles beg for a respite from memory
while carpet stains whisper of a new tomorrow.
Shuddering as she awaits today
lockless souls always left her confused
and honesty made her think of ice burgs.
Author notes
This is about love... it's just a little abstract
A contest entry
- ROUND 2; Shimmering Stars by They Say Shannon.
375 points, ended October 1, 2007, 10 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Teenage Love Poems (May Be Prewrites) by ChrissyJean.
330 points, ended October 8, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I'm not sure
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Very abstract...I just don't really understand it. Sorry.
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The first line doesn't make sense...
Not because of the immense ammount of adjectives, but because I just don't think they work together.
However, the next two lines are wonderful. :]
"but she writes of supernovas
and pretends not to burn."
Beautiful.
"Listening to black holes
she swears she can almost
hear the stars scream like they use to."
Great, astounding imagery.
It reminds me of a piece that I wrote that says something along the lines of,
"And as each star falls to the ground you won't hear anything besides my screams."
Or something.
"lockless souls always left her confused
and honesty made her think of ice burgs."
Stunning.
Wow.
I was going through this, and then I got to the AN and I was like, Oh! Of course- who else but you could write such an amazing piece? :]
This is wonderful, darling, and I know what it feels like to lose originals. :/ I usually go into a state of depression and lack all inspiration for a while when that happens so good job with not doing that.
Hahaha.
Thank you, love. < -
This is dark and almost despairing. You wrote it well though. Ice and the stars - an interesting combination too. Well written and good luck in this contest.
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Masochistic smiles circle drains
but she writes of supernovas
and pretends not to burn.
Listening to black holes
she swears she can almost
hear the stars scream like they use to.
holy WOW!
your brilliant!
im soo inlove with this write!
you are perfect -
BABE!
holy shit babes.
this is fucking amazing
i love it to bits.
i dont think i could ever find a flaw in any of your writes.
i love them all to bits and peices.
xx
♥
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