My pillar, shattered
The crumbled remains like the decaying bones
Of some long-dead giant
Acquaintances come to offer their insipid condolences
I bite back caustic replies. They are not at fault
I let my fingertips linger on the ice still face
My brother -- no more amusing asides
Or laughter so hard my belly ached
You were my identity
Endowed with such joy...
I stand staring until you ease me away. I meet your swelling amber eyes
Kindled, even now, with the spark of laughter
"Well," you say "at least he won't be stealing your socks anymore."
I laugh--I can't help it. It's just so damn inappropriate
We glide through the surrounding murmurs
You glance my way and, just for a moment, your eyes still
"Let him walk beside you--not behind.
Never behind." I nod. I understand
I walk out the doors with amber eyes on one side and
Coalescing memories on the other
You are part of who I am--not meant to be consigned
To fading dreams. You're not in the past. You live in me.
Let's go make new memories
Together.
Author notes
This is my first posting here, and I don't have much experience with poetry, so any constructive criticism would be very much appreciated.
Written October 1st, 2003
A contest entry
- October New Members- "Chin Up" Poetry Contest - Hosted by The AllPoetry Greeter Staff by CookieZeal.
300 points, ended November 3, 2003, 22 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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This made me think.. and also wonder what it's about. Can I ask if it's about losing someone you love? Because so it appears to be. The missing, the thoughts.. Never letting go of him or her, even when they have gone.. And you know you'll see them again some day. I hope you will be well throughout all this. Very inspiring write, keep your chin up. Have some good holidays, okay!
Ilse -
This is an awesome poem, I really enjoyed it!
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Congratulations on your win!!!
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I found this to be a most wonderful poem, well written and inspiring, filled with emotion. Everything fit together, flowed well. Thank you for a very good poem ...and a big welcome to allpoetry
Dee -
"You are part of who I am--not meant to be consigned
To fading dreams. You're not in the past. You live in me."
I am very impressed by this poem as a new poet just; emerging, it appears as if you have a gift with words...Thispoem has both a bouyancy and a gravity that are pretty well balanced, which makes the reader feel the strength that it would take to deal with such as this. A beautiful write...and welcometo AP...and Good Luck!!! -
You did a fabulous job! I could almost close my eyes and envision it.
Good Luck!
Mamaw10 -
Does "You should write more because from this, you seem very talented" work as constructive
crit?? Let me know when you post some more on here. Wonderfully well written write.
Much thanks for sharing
Cheerios!
Meg
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Thanks to everyone who's posted comments! Gemini -- this isn't my first poem, just the first one I've posted here...howev
er, I do write poetry rather rarely (but I'm taking a creative writing class right now, so that may change). Ravenlord -- fortunately, this was not based on an experience of mine, but one of my friends had her best friend die recently, and it just got me to thinking...w hat if something did happen? Anyway, as soon as things slow down a bit at school I'll try to post a few more poems. Thanks again for the comments, and if there's anything about the poem that you think is weak or could be improved please tell me!
--Neil -
very comforting, love the socks part.
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Well damn, you've gone and brought tears to my eyes with this piece. If this is based on a real experience, I'm sorry for the loss of your brother, but your poem seems to show an amazing understandin
g and maturity about the situation.
I could feel everything in this. The love for your brother, for her, and the sheer pain of loss. This was, for lack of a better expression, a brilliant debut piece. You've blown me away. -
this is very well written, it has a story line that one lets teach them the fine language of a relationship
.
You paint a portrait in words here far beyond the canvas of the page.
my mind is framed.
WSD -
very nice
So appropriately titled. Your empathy is what makes this such an inspirational piece. Hope to see more of your work. -
Well done enjoyed the read.
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Are you sure this is your first poem? Your talent is amazing. What a wonderful entry - I wish you luck in the contest and thank you for entering. Yur first poem on AP and it's great.
~Von~ -
Very different, I enjoyed, you have done well for a first posting
Good Luck and welcome to AP
Lakota x -
nicely done, you are a suberb talent...
peace be with & blessed be;
shaggy wolf -
lead me guide me walk beside me help me find the way.
heh good -
This was EXCELLENT! I can hardly believe you're new at this.
Form - I like the way you've got it laid out. Very effective and you clip it just where it should be for the most part
Content In frightening and ominous tones, you point out the affection you have for this role model. This will feed another for sure!
Use of Words You wove the list of words in very effectively and flowingly so that they weren't overly announced.
Criteria Your resolve was as bright as it could be under the circumstances. I have to list this one on the Showboard as well, if you don't mind. Whew. Two already for this contest, and both are so good!
Thank you for your entry. I sure do wish you the best! CookieZeal
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