you can feel the pain eating inside
I feel that caustic burning too
We'll do this together
she needs us to be her pillar
Her support we must be strong
Do you remember when we were young
The way her belly rippled as she laughed
Whenever dad suggested something fun
She's so much like he was
Endowed with her own identity
that loving nature
that amusing tone
I'll take her out for a meal when this is over
We could get her something bittersweet
At least a change from that insipid hospital food
I can see you're getting anxious
don't, she'll be okay
the doctor is coming over
She's going to pull through mum
she's going to be okay
your eyes sigh with relief
But the tension still there
we see her now, sleeping
face scared like so many a fallen angel
Author notes
hey atleast i tried right - this was a tough piece to write
based on a freinds story
his sister is okay now incase you wondered
Written October 1st, 2003
In a list
A contest entry
- October New Members- "Chin Up" Poetry Contest - Hosted by The AllPoetry Greeter Staff by CookieZeal.
300 points, ended November 3, 2003, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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A very sensetive and understandin
g write, Cerce. You've expressed very well the feelings of those close to someone with anorexia.
Excellent job
Dee -
I liked the way that you have written this with all of the crashing emotion that this would incite, as well as hope for the future!
"you can feel the pain eating inside
I feel that caustic burning too"
This was an excellent way of putting that thought as well. Is it meant to be like the stress of waiting to see if she will be well is eating you as much as the disease is eating her?
Welcome AP and GOOD LUCK!!! -
That was.... beautiful...
I've gone through this with one of my friends, and I know it's hard to be positive about the experience. You covered both a personal view, and the view of a mother. Excellent job.
~Christy -
thanks for this poem
I can feel how connected you are to it, it's beautiful. -
Well, I'll trust to the other greeters and just assume all of the rules were followed. I prefer to just enjoy a poem, and I did exactly that with this piece. I couldn't relate, but you did an excellent job of making the problem 'real' enough for the reader to be able to empathise.
You tell the story so well, and I'm glad your friend's sister is ok now. Excellent job, good luck in the contest and welcome to AP! -
I didn't see any misspellings. i thought this was a great poem and it was great to see the words from the list blended so well.
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I have sent an IM to you. What good support for the Mother, this character is your poem. A good take on a serious illness.
Thank you for your entry - good luck
~Von~ -
Well done this is an excellent piece on what it is like to be the one supporting someone with this illness. You have captured it.
And no there are no spelling mistakes
Lakota x
Good luck
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yo0u have covered more then one person issues with this, a child, and a mothers and possible a third person as well awesome write.
good luck
peace be with & blessed be
shaggy wolf -
very nice
I really liked this...especially the last line! That really made the poem for me. As CookieZeal mentioned, there are a few misspellings that you may want to change, but other than that it's great! -
This was very creative, good write
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Very Good!
Your effort paid off, and I'm not just saying this... GOOD piece, I might add. VERY good, in fact! Impressive phrasing you take with it has placed it in a higher level.
Use of words required <---- you blended them excellently!!
Though this subject isn't unique, you put a twist in it that updated its very serious content.
I'm awfully glad you shared it with us as this might HELP someone! And I'm very VERY glad that she pulled out of it. You're a good friend to not hoard this important dread .
*Just a few misspells in the beginning Bless you so much!!!
I would love to feature this in the Showboard...if you don't mind! Look to the right where it shows Featured* if you're on. Once again, thank you for your entry!
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