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A Soldier's Pleasure

He finds himself at Edgemont Station
a stick straight figure wrapped in army green,
steady snow camouflages lonely tracks
faint as the locomotive’s far away whistle,
one stop among many in his tenuous state
a subliminal flash to holiday passengers
who leave  the nine to five  behind;

The Corporal savors the storybook setting
his eyes refreshed by this Rockwell scene,
drawn home by the scent of pumpkin pie
fresh cut trees and church bells ringing,
sliding under a row of dogwoods bare
shivers as he fights winter in all its force
for those lulled to sleep in noiseless white;

Inhales mountain air, crisp down valley blown

carried on the magical sled he first spotted

within circles cleared on silvery panes,

from a second story window

a mile from Edgemont’s station,
where reality crosses  another world until

interupted by whistles overhead much louder;

When Johnny Comes marching home again.....

in his mind  the sad tune once more plays out,
while a note from home is read aloud

greatest gift next to the babe in a manger,
since this is more than just another hot one

its Christmas Day for  us here  in Iraq...

Author notes

screen name is Carly Pop

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • Bean Sidhe silver member
    October 14

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. You certainly have a gift with creating imagery. I was going in an entirely different direction until I read the last two lines of this poem - your intention, I suppose.

    The vocabulary utilized in this piece is lovely - particularly in the second stanza. I found myself tasting the cinnamon and nutmeg in pumpkin pie and smelling the sharp, clean scent of pine on a frozen wind.

    Very nicely done. Thank you for your entry and good luck in the contest!

    - Bean Sidhe

  • MusicOfTheNight9
    October 14
    Edit | Reply
    really great! good luck in your contests!


  • afullmetalwar
    April 17
    Edit | Reply

    ...

    I am overlooking the fact that I do not like the military. and rate it as is. Your poem is strong, it is wonderful on wording
    i will give a 5/5 for the poem, and 3/5 for the coloring. You get 4/5 for the message. And a 5/5 for the picture that the poem gives
    Grand total of 17/20


  • Luminescence
    March 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Shancy was your judge for the contest… Because of the abundance of entries... we are having trouble getting two scores for each poem...I would just like to thank you anyway for entering and participating in our contest and good luck,
    ~luminescence


  • Shancy Fayre
    March 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A very well-written poem. This was a great read. Thank you, again for your participation in this contest. Good luck. Your score: Title: 9 Diction: 10 Syntax: 10 Wowness factor: 10 Total:39. Shancy.

  • ecrivain01
    January 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good job ...

    on this. So you are in Iraq?


  • Lute
    January 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    content 7.4
    vocabulary 10.5
    accuracy 7.5
    creativity 7.4
    theme 7.4
    originality 7.2

    totals-47.4


  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    January 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you for your entry

    I assume this is a soldiers day dream? As it was not very clear in the poem til near the end. It started off like he was coming home for Christmas. Nice imagery though and good flow.

    God Bless and Merry Christmas
    Tammy


  • Salt Therapy
    December 20, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Dear poet,

    Thank you for entering round two of my contest, following all the rules, and being patient with every minute. Everyone has done such a great job so far in this contest, and I hope to see you move up. Judging should be fairly shortly, and the next and FINAL round contest will be up and running soon! All semi-finalists that move up will be notified with a link to the new contest after this one is over . Good luck dear friend! ~ Kerri

    Now for your poem:

    Beautiful. Very poetically expressed. I have my best friend in Iraq right now. may all the soldiers return home safely.


  • daviscth silver member
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    WOW!!! A great reminder that our beloved soldiers are still fighting for us. Thanks for posting and all the best at judging. Merry Christmas, Cathy


  • FindinSoundInSilence
    December 19, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    somehow sad... .
    very magically written.


  • storiesuntold gold member
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent write here

    Yes we see the vision so locked within our soldiers minds and within our own we hold them so dear only when we open our eyes we are in the home so safe so warm when they open theirs pain stings their hearts for they know they are why they are soldiers men and women to see that their home will still be there and free when he returns .God Bless Them All And Best wishes from my home to your home to the farest reach to our boys and women in the services


  • Wally Weasel
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really don't get this at all. Where's Edgemount Station and what has this got to do with Iraq? Pumpkin pie sounds totally gross.


  • howlinginpain
    December 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Our Soldiers

    I have 3 family members in Iraq right now and I think this would mean a lot to them. May I send it to them?


  • Sarah957
    October 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this really strikes a cord in my heart and had me holding my breath. Thanks for featuring this, I'm glad I got the chance to read this profound write.

  • Uncle Jimmy
    October 17, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    You touched my heart!

    I came home from my time in the military (38 years ago) on
    Christmas morning. Before I went to see my family, I headed straight to my church for mass. Then, as now, I prayed for my brothers and sisters in harm's way. Thank you for your outstanding work!


  • Akimbo
    October 14, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    this was my favorite...

    You captured a thick slice of life brilliantly here.
    For a moment I could feel the crisp air myself.
    Kudos,
    Kj


  • Danna Hobart
    October 14, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Your images are strong and powerful. Thanks for entering.


  • Chet W.
    September 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    great

    Really nice imagery. Love how you wrote it. I never think about soldiers enough. They fight for us, and I am damn greatful for it.

  • mcheadle
    September 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    I HURT TO THINK OF THIS HAPPENING AGAIN.

    The holidays and our people over there so far from their families. Little ones with out a paren of more. Families with out their children.God Bless them all and be in all the hearts the year as the holidays move in, may each hear find peace, love and forgiveness as we approach this season again. may we remember the reason (You and Your Son) and may it be our light that keeps us shining....mac


  • quantumsurveyor
    September 28, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A bittersweet war poem that touches such raw nerves and demands that we stand up to be counted but will the politicians or the people do the counting? Here in UK returning soldiers are just sneaked back in by the back door befiore their next tour of duty - two sorry wars.

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