Empty manner, empty room,
And empty my mind is too.
Empty life. Empty thoughts
And empty is my heart .
I was haunting always here
In such an emptiness
And I have spent
One precious Life too
To seek your empty look.
In my mirror, an empty look
Chasing me here and there.
I beg. I cry. I sigh.
At last I surprised to
See me nowhere..
Being unused an empty diary cries out my name.
Author notes
Actually this poem is written from a Haunted soul's point of view, inner torment is showed. And about the empty face before the mirror, perhaps someone is taking the place of mine...let your poetic flow to relate to any thing you like. Sorry for delaying, my Graduation final exam is going on. Pray for me so that May Allah helps me to achieve a success.
I have read "Ice Ice baby" by Blankscreen2222
A contest entry
- Free Verse Style Contest by Kari.
1700 points, ended October 2, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for the poets who think they can write imagery (pw allowed) by abuyi.
1200 points, ended January 24, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - There's Something Missing by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended January 11, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Thank you
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Great write!! i enjoyed the flow and the creativity! Keep up the good work!
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Thanks for entering.
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thanks for entering in my contest, i really liked your approach towards the subject, till the last line you kept me wondering
nice imagery .. i found this line a lil awkward 'I was haunting always here' - i dint get what you meant here may its just me,
please comment on any other entry from my contest and post it in your authour notes
best of luck in my contest
abuyi -
Thank you for your opinion,
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Congrats on winning the HM...good coming back, winning
by the way.....this poem...creates a sense of hollowness inside the soul...hmm brings an empty feeling..quiet sad
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Romi
Thank you for comment. But I cant overcome my fear. It's a sickness I am going through and I was..Let it be..I love you so much. -
My dear
Being empty is better
Better than being in fear
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thank you for your comment.
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this was very creative with style and i liked it a 100% this was a pleasure reading this and you really impressed me which isnt hard to do
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I agree with Aqua Tinted, the poem has a great message and I think has great potential, but could use some work as far as the flow to bring out more feeling in the reader. I would definitely take Aqua Tinted's suggestions, but also read over it and work on it more. The first stanza is to "matter of fact" and does not evoke the "empty" feeling it should.
I don't think you need "being unused" in the last line, it takes away from the feel. I like Aqua Tinted's suggestion, or maybe something like "An empty diary longs for my touch" or something like that.
Thank you so much for entering! -
Mmm, interesting.
I do have a few suggestions: do check where you've put your punctuation and make sure that it is correct. Also:
"At last I surprise to see..."
Perhaps that should read:
"At last I'm surprised to see..."
Now for the poem - well thought out and full of heartache. I liked the first two stanzas because they really capped how I feel most of the time anymore.
The last line is nice, but perhaps you should drop the "being unused" or add it to the beginning of the line, so it reads "Being unused - an empty diary cries out my name..."
just a suggestion.
Best of luck to you in this contest and thank you for entering.
Always and Forever,
Aqua Tinted
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