Wishing, that you were mine,
Wishing, you were by my side,
Wishing, that the love we had,
Would last forever.
It's a cold lonsome night,
And I have to bear the fight alone.
Because now that you're gone,
Everythings gone wrong.
And I'm forced to face life alone.
The nights are getting longer,
The pain is getting worse.
And yet my love grows stronger,
With every single curse.
And the thought of your rejection,
Will haunt me all my life.
For it's my life you've taken,
Your hatred is a knife.
My desire has never been worse,
Life without you is a curse.
How words can't express my love,
Can only be a sign from above.
But you don't love me too,
And I can't live my life without you.
(Can't live my life without you.)
The nights are getting longer,
The pain is getting worse.
And yet my love grows stronger,
With every single curse.
And the thought of your rejection,
Will haunt me all my life.
For it's my life you've taken,
Your hatred is a knife.
I can never love someone else,
For my heart belongs to you.
And even with your hard rejection,
I just can't start anew.
The nights are getting longer,
The pain is getting worse.
And yet my love grows stronger,
With every single curse.
And the thought of your rejection,
Will haunt me all my life.
For it's my life you've taken,
Your hatred is a knife.
The nights are getting longer,
The pain is getting worse.
And yet my love grows stronger,
With every single curse.
And the thought of your rejection,
Will haunt me all my life.
For it's my life you've taken,
Your hatred is a knife.
For it's my life you've taken.
For it's my life you've taken.
For it's my life,
For it's my life,
For it's my life you've taken.
A contest entry
- continuing war between love and hate 2 by Cerbie20.
1000 points, ended June 14, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did i pursuade enough passion? I wrote it with passion, but it's so hard to get into words.
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
yeah, i have to agree with myself on this one
-
good job! i love songs!
The nights are getting longer,
The pain is getting worse.
And yet my love grows stronger,
With every single curse.
And the thought of your rejection,
Will haunt me all my life.
For it's my life you've taken,
Your hatred is a knife.
best part of the song. i love it!
-
I can see your attempt to invoke a passionate feel to the lyrics, but it just comes across as the same old love song with clichéd metaphors that now bear no meaning.
-
Amazing poem gooshawn, well, I guess song in this case. it's overflowing with passion!!! Are you kidding me girl? Not enough?! As if! It's seething with passion, love, gratitude, and pain, great write!!
With love,
Trudy
-
I hate you
In our group I am the one who is sompose to be the talented poet not gooshawn she's sompsoe to me the weird veggie hippie tree loving girl...ack I;m jk this is really really really good!! I am very pround to call u my hippie tree hugging friend however remeber never ever let a man take over your life be your own person!! Love ya
Hopie
-
Good
The only problem with me here (and I could be wrong, I'm not much of a reviewer, just a writer)but it seems like a lot of the rhymes here were forced. But I loved the first two verses, and the chorus was really good. Overall, it could be improved, but it's pretty god the way it is too.
-
This has possibilities
Well, it has passion, but is too wordy. But don't worry, it can be fixed. It has the makings of a good song. I think that I would call it, "It's My Life You've Taken". Has more punch, and is in the chorus(implied). Thanks for entering. Walt. Good luck.
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
