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Red- Handed


Two secret lovers,
away from prying eyes.
Underneath the willow trees
just shadows of the night.

Touching and ca-noodling,
beneath the moonlit sky.
Whispering sweet nothings,
stars twinkle in their eyes.

Lovers lost in passion,
their hearts now beat as one.
But tears of time are ticking,
their loves a fleeting one.

For they have now been captured,
in the chamber of his eyes.
Their screaming cries of passion,
fall silent with the night,

These two secret lovers,
have played the deadly game.
This once secret hiding place
is where they now remain...

 

Author notes


OPTION #3 write something involving the color red. I always think of this color as passion.

Author: Timespell

OPTION 21::_
Heart brake, forbidden love, unrequited love. and all that jazz.

A contest entry

TELL ME WHAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE PLEASE.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • l o v e b u r s t
    July 7
    Edit | Reply

    Judges View

    dead forbidden lovers. interesting & sad.

    Thank you for entering my contest


  • deadcolor dreams
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    This poem is over fifty words, i have to remove it from the contest. How good this poem is is irrelevant, please read a contest before you enter one and save us both some trouble.


  • Beautyfull-x-Angel
    March 26

    Edit | Reply
    i love this ,,, well writen and creats a great mental image ... best wishes and good luck in the contest ...


  • DawnKestrel
    November 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This poem has a really nice rhyme to it.
    Good luck in my contest!


  • xXtired-of-cryingXx
    October 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    OMG!!!!!!

    This is really really really good thanks for entering this, I really enjoyed reading it, this is deffinetly one of my favorites!!!! XxCooDLucKxX


  • trekkergirl
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very nice write. Thank you for joining my contest. And I can see why this poem won so many trophies it is that good of a write. Great job


  • Lady Michaella
    October 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Woa Deep ending. I see you like the dark side too, ... excellent
    Awesome poem, at least it has some technique. It flows well except the patterns changed a bit. Anyways great poem, thanks for entering
    -RoseDaughter-


  • SchizoChic
    September 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good job. It flows well. Best of luck


  • Venus25
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautifully dark!

    Captivating..... I very much appreciated this!

    From what I have seen of your work... I bloody love!

    Good luck



  • Soten-Jaganshi
    September 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Please add your username to your author's box so i can review. (X3)


  • moon2u
    September 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I love that word canoodling
    it is priceless
    congrats
    moon2u


  • Angelflower
    September 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good!! I love the flow and rhyme in this write!! It's flawless! the emotion is beautiful as well!!! thank you very much for sharing! and very worthy of the trophies! I greatly enjoyed reading this!

    Angel


  • Cerbie20
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow, good job. i like this poem. and the end was amazing!

    These two secret lovers,
    have played the deadly game.
    This once secret hiding place
    is where they now remain...

    this is what really made this poem. keep up the good work!


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    August 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    well done..dear poet...well done!

    Your first line pulls us in...and then you build the
    flow...and we are captured within it.....
    dark and lovely,

    For they have now been captured,
    in the chamber of his eyes.
    Their screaming cries of passion,
    fall silent with the night,

    These two secret lovers,
    have played the deadly game.
    This once secret hiding place
    is where they now remain...

    great writing!
    ears/Seattle


  • Dragon24
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    stars twinkling in their eyes.... great immagery. i can really see the things in your poem. oyu did a good job. good lick in the contest!!! :-)


  • ForeverLastingComa
    April 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow..this wasn't really what I was lookgin forward to in this contest but i must say that this was a very nice write and i liked it a lot..good luck in the contest =)


  • Chocoholic156
    April 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is very well written, I can see and feel this poem as well as read it. There was nothing that really stood out to me that could need improving. Thank you for entering in my contest.


  • marciakay81
    March 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow...this is absolutely incredible. not where i expected it to go. great write. thanks for the entry.


  • scream.n2.nite
    March 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    ending

    This was a GRAND write!! Nice work with the rhyming and the pace... and I liked the perspective you took on a forbidden form of love. Your word-usage was different too, using dialect. Good stuff. Thank you for entering the contest!!

    - - riah - -


  • GypsyEyes
    January 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i really like this poem! something about it just sticka in my brain! i wish you the best of luck in the contest!
    NineTailedFox


  • adsaige
    January 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Judged

    Hm...this is a very nice entry that you have peneed here, and I wish to congradulate you on your gold trophy. This piece does paint the picture of illicit love...which I am a sucker for.

    Thank you for you entry.

    Good luck.


  • Sinnastarr silver member
    December 23, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a good entry. It read very well and speaks volumes. You painted a very vivid picture with this piece. I also think that this should be the end result of all” secret lovers" or cheaters, as is the not polite term.
    All and all a good contest entry.
    Thank you so much for entering and I wish you the best of luck.


  • Celticmoon
    October 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for taking the time enter and good luck to you!


  • thewritegurl
    October 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This poem reminds me of that song that Reba sings, about a murder in texas. I was throughly entertained. good work.


  • Tarja
    October 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you used the word ca-noodling! Who the hell says that!? But anyways I think that this was very nicely done.. I like the unique word choice and it had a very steady flow.


    • Timespell
      October 14, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Ca-noodling...LOL. retro-fit 1950s be a good boy image.

      Thanks again for reading.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • JesusFreak92
    October 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    i like it. this is a pretty cool poem. keep on writing like this please!!!lol.


    • Timespell
      October 10, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks Sharon

      Thank you for reading glad you liked it.

      All the best,

      T.S


  • Sgt B
    September 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    This gets the thought juices flowing

    Thanx, I appreciate your entry. Good luck!


    • Timespell
      September 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks a lot for your comment. It was a good topic to write about.

      All the best

      ~T.S~


  • ScrewAllOfYou
    September 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    After reading the comments, i just had to check that out, lol. I remember that commercial after watching that, lol. Nice, though it wasnt what you meant, but thats still funny. Anyhoo... this poem was such a wonderful piiece of secrecy. Good write and good luck.


    • Timespell
      September 29, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading and for your nice comment.
      I appreciated your thoughts on my poem

      All the best

      ~T.S~

1 - 33 of 33