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Deja Vu

Oiled spoiled, troubled soil,
HOW
The west wind blows.
FORGOTTEN
Land, Arabs they stand,
ROCKETS
Too and throw.
ALL
The nice gleaming cars,
HAVE
I gone too far?
TO STOP
And ponder, no, no, no!
THIS
Black slimy profit,
DEJA VU
Lines our pockets.
TIME
We looked to
"STOP IT"

Author notes

Damn... do you think it needs editing?

A contest entry

TELL ME WHAT YOUR THOUGHTS ARE PLEASE.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • BlackSwan
    May 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This writing style is so original. I like it, it really puts a lot of emphasis in what the poem is trying to communicate to its reader.

    There are so many questions about war.

    Really liked this first line right here "Oiled spoiled, troubled soil" excellent

    -Thank you for your entry, Angi Terese


  • elmundopasa1
    April 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well done.. interesting style. thanks for entering.


  • 2lullabyhaven
    March 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for this entry into my contest, short and powerful


    • Timespell
      March 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for reading and commenting on this one.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • Florida Sunshine
    February 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Can you Say S T Y L E ~ You definately put a spin that I like in free writting ~ the only part that I think is throwing me off is the line:

    "To and throw."

    I'm not sure if the word is throw ~ < this means to throw a stone across a lake ~ or throw a ball ~ it doesn't fit other than rhyming with blows ~

    I DO THINK you DID a GREATTTTTTTTTTT job on the internal and external rhyme ~ that is NOT the easiest thing to do ~ to rhyme both ~ yet you pull it off flawlessly ~ EVEN with the confusion on the word throw ~ I really like this piece ~ I'm not even sure on the actual stand this this taken ~ I do think the Arabs are making HUGE amounts of money off the rest of the world ~ BUT ~ the only way to STOP it ~ is NOT BUY it ~ I don't know how many times in my short lifetime ~ ARE people nutz on the amount of money people spend on things ~ Concert tickets ~ ~ CARs (My car payment shouldn't be as much as my mortgage!!!!) ~ Giving money for pretty much anything ~ without a care ~

    IF everyone would just STOP the spending like they are ~ then companies would have NO choice but to lower the price ~ I mean think of it ~ The NEXT big singer comes to town ~ books this big location only to have NO ONE paying those prices for tickets ~ It rediculous!!!! What people will spend money on ~ YEAH it has to stop ~ but never will it happen ~ it will just get worse ~ til someone finally realizes ~ it's going to break ~ and then it will be a nasty life for all ~ It won't take one person doing it ~ but a whole society saying "WE AIN'T TAKIN' IT ANYMORE!"

    Thanks so much for entering the "Set the bar" contest ~ I do appreciate you sharing your work with me ~ Overall you did a great job! ~ Best of luck to you!

    • Timespell
      February 28, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for your great comment on this piece!!

      Unfortunately the world we live in is a very complex and dangerous place. Not to mention us humans.
      When the time comes when the Oil reserves are all but depleted, we will be entering a time of anarchy and chaos.
      That is when we, as a race will see what is important in the world.

      All the best and thanks for the award.

      ~T.S~

  • ecrivain01
    October 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Not bad ...

    but you've left out an "o" here:

    have I gone to far and also a question mark.

    All in all, this a good poem.

    Thanks for entering.

    • Timespell
      October 26, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks

      Thanks for reading and for your notes on this poem. It's my attempt at a poem in a poem...

      Thanks again,

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • Swintha
    October 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    A very simple take on society. Still your views were presented and I felt what you were saying. It made me think alot as it wasn't direct. well done.

    • Timespell
      October 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank You Swintha

      I appreciated you reading and taking time to read my poem through. Indeed I have chosen a bit of a dim view on are society, But my reason as you could see, was based on the higher members of establishment, who like to pull on the strings of society.

      Thanks again for reading.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • Creatress silver member
    October 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Well done, thanks for entering the contest and good luck.
    -C


    • Timespell
      October 5, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thank you

      Thanking you for reading.

      All the best

      ~T.S~

1 - 12 of 12