The madness of the w o r d s is rising
Higher with each confusing thought
Inburst of soul fleshed fragments
to be delved into and drained out,
the scrambled syllables draw spirals on my hands
and huddle up in piles behind the window
Waiting to fly
There's an unstructured tension
pushing them up and down my body,
A flight of scattered sand beams
in twirl on jumbled wings,
They'll either darken up my eyes
Drag my feet down with lead
Or magically dissolve through my fingertips
like long sleek feathers
Author notes
A contest entry
- options contest come see maybe win points by Artistic-Soul.
600 points, ended November 8, 2007, 3 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - A Cure For Writer's Block? by trista.
450 points, ended November 9, 2007, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Open Wounds by Eugene Cash Hensley.
700 points, ended November 26, 2007, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - What is your Muse by I m out.
600 points, ended January 22, 2008, 16 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - In The Soul by whatever666.
600 points, ended April 15, 2008, 35 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Writer's block by glazecovered.
700 points, ended July 21, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites(: by ladybug..
625 points, ended July 29, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
-
I, hands down, love this. Thank you for entering.
-
Wow thank you for entering this in my contest! Good luck!!!
Megan -
WOW
O.o
-
chilling entry thanks for entering
-
very nice poem here, the flow is so beautiful it just hooks you in...
well done and thanks for entering -
i'm afraid of heights!
every time i read this i picture myself growing feathers and flying out a opened window, this is really good. -
Good write. I love it. Thanks for entering and good luck.
-
Thank you for your entry
Awesome imagery. I love the flow and structure of it. The words seem to have texture to it. Your muse is a very imaginitive creative one. Thank you for sharing your muse with us.
I encourage you to keep writing to read and comment.
God Bless
Tammy -
This is a good piece, I enjoyed reading it. You have some fab imagery woven within your words. Best of luck in the contest with it
-
This was great. Really has alot of depth and imagery. I don't fully understand its meaning, but perhaps that is it's greatest aspect? Allowing the reader to put his/her own meaning behind it. Good job!
-
this is well written thanks for sharing this and good luck in the contest and in life. Keep up the good work. This has plenty of wondrrouus emotion. thanks again.
-
Thank you fo entering my contest
your poems truely lovely and well written
nice use of language..<3
thanx fer sharing!!
-
Congratulations! I love poetry that makes you think... and poetry that uses artful metaphor to say things in new ways... you did not only all this, but your choice of words is stunning. You pulled into the chaos deep in the soul.
-
You have a very creative way of describing your feelings, and I love how you bring physical sensation into the poem. I do, however, see a few problems with the poem, primarily with the grammar...
Your title..."Soothening". Soothing is a word, and I think the one you meant, but I could not find "soothening" in any dictionary I looked in.
Ditto for "crambled". Did you mean..."crumbled"? Or "crammed"?
"The madness of the w o r d s is rising" I loved the spacing of "words" to give it emphasis, but it should be "words (are) rising, instead of "is".
"craddle" should be "cradle"
"disolve" should be "dissolve"
I am not a big fan of using all capped letters to begin each line, particularly when coupled with very little punctuation. Capped letters, commas, and periods help the reader follow your thoughts and pace the poem, also help with flow. I know this is often a matter of personal style, but in this piece I think it would have been helpful.
This entry really has the potential to be a fantastic read. I can see power and impact in the words...just don't forget the importance of good grammar and spelling.
Thank you so much for your entry, and good luck in the contest. If you are interested in taking any of the suggestions I've made, I will be stopping by again before final judging to reread all entries.
Best wishes,
~J. -
-
Thank you very much for your comment and suggestions. I was surprised there's no word like soothening in the dictionary...As a non native speaker I must have 'created' it thinking the infinitive of soothe is soothen
. I also meant to use 'scrambled'. I wanted the verb 'to be' in singular though as referring to 'the madness which is rising'. I noted the spelling mistakes.
I see what you mean with the caps...I'm used to capitalising each line but I see it might affect the flow, I'll try to look over that.
Thank you again for your comments and critiques!
-
-
incredible
it is a wonderful piece and it has an even better voice with a certain tone within the
"w o r d s" (might want to fix that crazy spacing on the first line) that is captivaiting to me the reader however as specified by the rules of the contest you need to put the option name in your authors notes or i will have to disqualify you and with this piece it would be a shame so please take care of that and congrats on this wonderful piece -
-
thank you very much for your comment!x the spacing on the first line is on purpose. I edited the option now in my author notes
-
-
Though I think this is a brilliantly thought out and executed piece of writing I'm not entirely sure how it fits into my contest but I'm awed by your talent! I hope you enter more of my contests!
Peace Georgia
-
-
As I see it, the poem speaks about healing through words and writing by searching your soul and letting thoughts out...as a way to prevent the mind and the body to collapse. I thought it might fit into your theme. I'll be checking your contests in the future...Thank you for your comment!
Kristina
-
-
Another brilliant piece
This is quite dark. The words draw the reader deeper within the piece. The imagery is really good as well. You are a very talented writer. Well done.
Wayne
x
Adding your comment:
1 - 20 of 20
