Quite easy to say;
and soothing to eyes.
Down he lay’s;
In pain he cries.
He feels like a bird trapped in cage;
Wants to break but in vain his rage.
Streams of blood flowing down the wall;
Here it bangs again like a fireball.
The agony of a man with a wounded heart;
It yielded hell;
It yielded brawl.
Battling to cross the channels;
He lays between the wall.
Fighting for every breath;
The red tears echoes it all.
With hands scorching the throat;
He pushes towards the door.
He stood against the pain;
But falls on the floor.
With breeze, the door opens;
A shadow hovers the gate.
But he succumbs to wounds;
The man died his fate.
This is the first time I'm venturing into a new form of poetry. I wanted to describe pain in the darkest way. It's about the last few minutes of a dying man. Plz let me know your views on this.
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I loved reading this one. Amazing Way of showing pain.
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hi dear friend,
You've captured the agony and pain of a dying man very well in your piece.
Wish you the best.
Shahrzad
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This is brilliant, the emotion and darkness captured so well in your words weaved brilliantly. I like it
Thanks for sharing.
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Powerful...This poem; you have written well...I enjoyed the descriptive words because they painted the picture you intended to portrait through 'em...This is a good write..I had to read it again and like before I enjoyed it... Peace
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Wonderful.. not inhibited.. cool. You mention in your authors notes tht this is a new area for you.. its pretty good! More please
N i believe u mustbe meaning to say sumthing else in the second last line- But THE HE succumbs to wounds
..Keep writing
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A beautiful poem...Full of energy, emotion and rhyme...I enjoyed feasting my eyes on such a beautiful write...Peace
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all i can say is this is awesome. it's one of the best things i've read lately.
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Very well done. I would like to leave you with something I learned. Never use & or chat lingo in your work. Though I dont feel it took from your great piece, real critics wont waste their time. I wish you the best, you do have great talent.
Rose
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wow! That is one intense poem! I think you did very well with this!
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