Why do they call it heartbreak?
It still beats.
It still feels.
More than broken,
It is like a systematic
ripping out of your heart,
your very soul.
A hurtle to the floor,
followed by a stomp;
concluded with a twisting motion.
As if putting out the figurative cigarette
That is my very being.
Twisting and turning,
Squeezing the very life out of it;
Until it feels nothing
Except pain.
Rejection.
Abandonment.
Why do they call it heartbreak?
I call it an extinguishing
of the very soul
of the one who loves you
the most.
Author notes
Sorry this is kindof crappy and overdone, but this is how I feel right now and I had to get it out.
For the contest..subject: lost love, my fav. color is purple, I'm guessing yours is blue. And I didn't really have fun writing this because I'm sad.
A contest entry
- ((((ANYTHING)))) PRE-WRITES OK!!>>TO DO WITH .....HEARTBREAK ...LOST LOVE....BEING HURT ....WANTING TO BE BACK WITH SOMEONE....EVERYTHING ALONG THOSE LINES!!!>NO POEMS WITH TROPHYS ALREADY HM OK THO!! by xxlisajazminexx.
420 points, ended October 19, 2007, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - heartbreak by live in love.
500 points, ended November 8, 2007, 56 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Tell me you feelings!!! by fire angel.
300 points, ended November 13, 2007, 33 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Dirty Pretty Contest by Innocent Evil.
700 points, ended January 5, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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great imagery and vividness but dirty pretty? nah but was well penned for your emotions.
great job and best wishes t you
tory
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good job!
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beautiful ... you are so right .. heartbreak is most definately more like you discribe than what other call it...... well done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Fab!!
This is a great read, you described heartbreak very well with the stomping and twisting. Best of luck in the contest! -
I agree with your author notes on it being a bit "overdone", I do not think it's "crappy" just needs some work from making it not seem more than it is.
Perhaps looking into breaking it (i.e.: more than just the one verse but extending verses), and perhaps cut the slight repetition in the middle.
Short pieces are the most trying pieces because you're trying to say so much in such a small breath; at least I feel that's what you're doing here. I've read it a couple of times, it could use some work.
A suggestion that I could best give is: to take the idea of the piece, the totality of the idea; also take the lines in which you feel best represent what you're saying here, and delete the rest then build off those lines. In essence: rewrite it. I rewrite my own work all the time, sometimes it comes out better, sometimes it doesn't. If it's the latter then I just scrap it all together. Not everything can work.
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I know ecactly how you feel. In fact, it does feel more the opposite. If it was broken, it wouldn't beat and go all funny and achy and crappy in general. I do often wonder why they call it a broken heart. I suppose because it will not be mended and will not seal over and heal (or not easily). Cleverly put, quite agree.
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Aww, sad. Usually I just write sad poems because that all I think about. It rarely ever happens to me. I feel bad that this is how you really feel and sorry about you boyfriend, He is a jerk. Any guy who says stuff like that is a jerk. My first boyfriend... when he broke up with me he told me I was hopeless. To this day I think he broke up with me because he wasn't gonna get any. lol anyway I don't think this is a crappy write at all. It just needs some form and then it'd be great
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Thank you.
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I really liked it. A lot of emotion conveyed here. Keep it up.
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They only settle on the word heartbreak b/c there is no other word to explain how it feels. But we all know how it feels. That's why i thought this was a very good piece for the contest b/c it's more than just personal- it's universal and everyone can understand what you are trying to say. If you ever need anyone, you know I'm here.
~elizabeth~ -
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Thank you.
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This is a really not that bad of piece thank you for your entry and goodluck to you in the contest.Best wishes and much love
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If you have no idea why they call it heartbreak, then you've obviously never experienced it. Yes technically it does keep beating... but the hurt and pain is just all too real it feels like there is something missing inside... it literally hurts... and that's why they call it heartbreak because you feel broken... inside and out. Nice piece... hope I answered a question.
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Thanks.
The point I was trying to get at is that it's worse than being broken, but I guess I didn't get that across very well. haha -
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Oh I'm sorry... I should pay more attention I suppose.
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