Sassy, that's what i was
I said.
They said, rude, obnoxious
a rabid hyena.
Whatever, is what I said,
Then, the pain from no where, constricted
choking me, my chest
on fire, then in front of me
they say it flashes before your eyes
your life, I mean
it doesn't.
It drags, the horror
unending scenes of brutality
of offhandedness,
of callous disregard.
Me, pushing a child
a child!
out of my way
as i stalked to an 'important' meeting
Passing by the homeless,
it won't end
shows me again and again
as if they weren't even there
continuing on.
My stupid aloofness.
Then the end,
I see my death, see me sink to the floor
even as I still stand, shaking
convulsing, seeing,
seeing all too much.
The worst, I see the fire
A torrential downpour of lava like rain
scalding my skin
I blister, I burn
it won't end.
Around me, laughter
Hideous laughter.
I can feel the pain of the fire,
an eternity of steaming breath,
still the pain constricts in my chest.
Finally the images fade, I sink to the floor,
An icy hand grips my heart, no, my soul
I see two worlds, both with eyes staring at me
lying helpless on the floor.
One world looks with pity,
ah, that was the world with people I shunned,
the other world welcomes me
with open arms
to an eternity of torment.
A contest entry
- This Horror by B.bdawn.
525 points, ended October 23, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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As much as I disapprove of the sorts of "life after death" theories (pity for the damned in death and misery for the forsaken in life seems an unfair trade off), I really like how your poem so eloquently presents your great insights. Far too many people today have become callous and ignorant to how much suffering there is in the world and your poem is the kind of thing that makes those people stop and think. Nice write.
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Oh are we not all living in hell already?
Nice images of the kind of person this was.
Hope its not written from personal experience.
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Ultimately preachy, and funny for it from my twisted perspective. Hell? Really? OMFG. Whatever.
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Interesting write, nice flow..dark journey to take, noticed a few typo's might want to go back through and spell check...aside from that quite a nice read..I enjoyed this.
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very dark write here...
incredible lines here
It drags, the horror
unending scenes of brutality
of offhandedness,
of callous disregard.
Me, pushing a child
a child!
out of my way
as i stalked to an 'important' meeting
keep on writing!
mike, aka jonathan wikkins -
very vivid...
but too dark for me. The images are very stark and dark indeed, but I did enjoy the "scrooge-ish" look from the Ghost of the future..looking back at your own shortcomings from beyond... -
Very dark write indeed.My favorite part is:
"I can feel the pain of the fire,
an eternity of steaming breath,
still the pain constricts in my chest."
Its a little scary lol good luck in the contest!
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Chilling
I' sorta speechless at this piece. *thinks*
ok, regaining my use of words...I think this poem was great. I felt....horrified as I read it, that perhaps life doesn't end with brillant flashes of good, but all the bad things in life that you've done...a thought, I've never had before, and it's very chilling to think.
I thought the poem flowed well. I thought it was fast-paced...like it started out a bit slower, but as I read on, the pace seemed to pick up, as the whirlwind of emotion pierced the idea that at the end all we see is the good things.
like i said. chilling.
excellent write. -
i enjoyed this but to be open it scard me made me wonder about what will come when my deth comes upone me the way you discribed it seems to be fill with horror as fill if you the poet where there as you died and came back only to tell us of the trip i can fill hell rushing at me has i read this over and over i can fill the deth that you discribed, almost wills my own body to convuls in such way this has inpact on me i didnt think happened jusy by reading word its is almost spell like in a way i have one word to discribe this ..................WOW
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This is good, I'd read through it again to make sure you capitalize all your I's, I noticed a few that weren't--to me that kind of detracts from the overall impact of the piece. As for content, it read well, had great imagery and emotional impact. Well done.
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This reads so oddly but it works once you get the slight beat of it down. I enjoyed it thanks for sharing it with us it was definitely intriguing. =)
--Vox -
"A torrential downpour of lava like rain"
"an eternity of steaming breath" My two favorite lines in the poem. Well written thanks for entering my contest, and good luck!
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