They swing along the dancing water
Enveloped in its frothy gown
The endless whispers float and splatter
Reverse and forward, up and down
Same changing rhythms never ending.
Lace spirals stretching for the shore
Stroke up the thirsty sand awaiting
For the soaked ground to unseal its core
Between the shore and restless ocean
The unceasing run to break apart
To feel the sand in standing motion
For one glimpse throbbing of the heart
Beneath the stars the lace blood lingers
Mid pristine waves of cellophane
Caught in the whorl's white curling fingers
Each crash in yearn to loose the chain
Shadows of bliss beyond the shoreline
Enwrap the sand and water skin
As the white gauze seeks for the coast shrine
To entomb its tumult deep within
Under the starlight's gloomy painting
In endless flowing with the tide
The waves stroke up the sand awaiting.
When will the whisper die inside?
Author notes
If two became one...
word bank: blood, pristine, cellophane, whorl, crash, entomb, starlight
Kristina87, "Live, laugh, love, & eventually cry"
A contest entry
- Looking For An AP Family by broken-colours.
450 points, ended October 1, 2007, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme Time by Danna Hobart.
375 points, ended October 12, 2007, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Lotsa Points Possible by Pollycheck.
425 points, ended November 4, 2007, 22 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEN THOUSAND POINTS OF RHYME! (now 12,000) - Part 3 Nature by cricketjeff.
1000 points, ended December 17, 2007, 25 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MYSTERIES OF THE SEA {5000 POINTS FOR GOLD} by liquidmindforever.
5300 points, ended December 24, 2007, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - for the poets who think they can write imagery (pw allowed) by abuyi.
1200 points, ended January 24, 2008, 29 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The EPCOT Invitational: The Living Seas by Brendan Newcomb.
515 points, ended March 5, 2008, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best of the Best! by abba12.
600 points, ended March 6, 2008, 31 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Baffle me with your words. Enlighten me with your brilliance. by PoetryDove.
600 points, ended July 9, 2008, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The sea by Farewell My Lovely.
650 points, ended July 13, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites, show me what you got. by GraveyardGoddess.
400 points, ended July 22, 98 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites(: by ladybug..
625 points, ended July 29, 103 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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This is simply stunning. I loved it. It's so full of amazing imagery & metaphor; I couldn't imagine competing with you(: I also adore the background, it's so breathtaking. My favourite lines, by the way, were:
To feel the sand in standing motion
For one glimpse throbbing of the heart
Thanks for sharing! -
Nice.
I love this write as I love the Bg.
Is it hard using a wordbank?
And thanks for entering;
Godd luck. -
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Thank you for commenting. It wasn't really that hard. Actually the stanzas with the words from the wordbank were modified or added after I wrote the initial form.
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Hi - thanks for entering my contest - I enjoyed this. Best of luck!
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Wow I gotta say that I just love this background. And congrats on all those wonderful trophies that you have won. This is a wonderfully descriptive poem that you have here. Thanks for sharing this with us and thanks for entering it into my contest.
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Utterly beautiful and emphatic. A very original and unique description
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You've taken poetry to another level. A deep sea's level
I love this write and there's no doubt in my mind that I'm jealous lol
It's quite brilliant.
I have no suggestions and I feel weird saying that.
I'm in love with punctuation itself, but I don't feel as if this write needs it. It's good the way it is.
No wonder...it seems to be a favorite by a lot of contests, I see
This is my favorite part ~
"Between the shore and restless ocean
The unceasing run to break apart
To feel the sand in standing motion
For one glimpse throbbing of the heart"
Could it be more perfect?
You have an amazing poem here and you're a great poet, seriously.
Thanks for entering my contest!
Sincerely,
dovey ~
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WOW!
I'm impressed!! Good luck!!! Peace, Cyn
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Scansion is solid, and some of the abstract imagery, particularly in the opening stanzas, superb. Dig the waves' crashing as being akin to a tell-tale heart (something that constantly tears at the narrator). Thanks for entering.
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Beautiful. And very well written. I love the rhyming. On a scale from one to ten I'd give this a 9. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck!!!
Megan -
this is a very beautifull.. it is well thought and penned,
i loved your imagery and i liked how you symbolised shrine .. and your background compliments your write.
thanks for entering my contest and best of luck
abdulla
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This is good ...
and you can be sure of it if Danna thinks so. You have a grammar problem here:
Each crash in yearn to loose the chain
I can't exactly put my finger on what this means. I would think you might mean "each yearning crash loosens the chain", but am not really sure. In any case, it's not a sentence construction that is possible in English. I noticed a few other places that were right on the edge, but not over it, and they can pass as "poetic license". That line, however, can not. Too bad, as this might have placed considerably higher in the contest otherwise.
As Danna said, the imagery is very good, and you've done a remarkable job with the rhymes as well. All in all, it really is a beautiful poem.
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No.
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No.
The line is not English. It sounds like pidgin English, but it definitely is not English.
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You did a remarkable job with your imagery considering this is a rhyming poem. Most of the time, the two do not go hand in hand, but this is beautiful.
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Excellent Writing
Very Beautiful. I enjoyed reading this very much.
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Dear Poet,
Thank you for entering my contest: MYSTERIES OF THE SEA.
Although you've opted for Option #5 your opening line
is a clear personification of the title "Whispers" and
shows the creativity of the poet.
This is a beautifully expressed poem with much love
and depth of feeling.
Very pleased you've joined this competition and
wish you the best.
Blessings of peace, love, light
HAPPY HOLIDAYS
liquid
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Although I really hate reading anything in white on a picture this was a wonderful entry, well worth the HM.
Please keep entering the other rounds, love is already underway.
Thanks for your entry we both enjoyed reading it
Jeff and Sue
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first of all, beautiful background...
second, this is a great poem! great imagery!
"Shadows of bliss beyond the shoreline
Enwrap the sand and water skin
As the white gauze seeks for the coast shrine
To entomb its tumult deep within"
great lines... anyway, great job and best of luck in this contest!
~rocklover91 -
This is a very strongly rhymed poem I am impressed with it very much so rich in both rhyme and rhythm
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Thank you for entering my contest and good luck. You have painted a very vivid picture with your words. The imagery throughout this poem is just outstanding. It seems to have a little bit extra that makes a poem more than a poem.
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This is showing why people love this site... thank you for the entry into my contest and i wish you well... it makes you feel like your there when you read it... well done
cheers
Jen
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really good
liked it x -
Because I got so many entries, I am going to judge this a little different than I normally do. On the contest page the challenge was to write a rhyming poem that shows instead of tells, with imagery and metaphor galore. In addition to those things, I am going to take the meter and rhythm into account along with originality. So I am going to award points for each of those things and then sort of tally them at the end to decide on the winners.
Show vs. Tell: 70/100
Concrete Imagery: 70/100
Metaphor/Symbol/Allusion: 95/100
Originality: 90/100
Meter: 100/100
Beautiful. Thanks for entering. -
A poem with a lot of very strong imagery, combined with a great flow and excellent use of language. Very well though out rhyme scheme that adds to the overall beauty of this piece. Well done and many thanks for entering.
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This was very pretty. your words are well used but it didn't really "catch" me. Good write and thanks for the entry.
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BREATHTAKING!!!!!
BREATHTAKING WRITING!!!! I AM DUMBFOUNDED BY THIS STUNNING PIECE!! THE IMAGERY THE WORDS ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. I GOT LOST IN THIS. MORE PLEASE, YOU SHOW GREAT TALENT.
ALL THE VERY BEST
WAYNE
x
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rythms=rhythms
This poem has the power to make the reader feel uplifted and melancholy at the same time. Brilliant work. The only question I have is, what member would you want to be in my AP Family? Thanks for entering my contest & best of luck! -
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Thank you very much for your comments! This combination of dreaming, longing and melancholy was how I felt while writing it. I think I'd like to be your sister in your AP family cos we look quite alike actually
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