Don’t take back the words that you said to me
Cut deep, tear apart and make me bleed
Forced to forget the things I have seen
Lest forget the things that might have been
Bone and flesh tattered and torn from skin
Ripped apart, fucked around from within
Crimson dreams dancing within death
Parallel with visions in my head
God, tell me what have we done
You killed your only son
Tried to wash our sins away
But you made us this way
We are an image of you
Never spoken words so true
...............
A contest entry
- My Lips Bleed Acidity by TheDemonEve.
600 points, ended December 14, 2007, 31 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Wow this poem is kind of scary. Perhaps you should include some comas in the first stanza just so that it flows better. Watch line 5 flesh is there twice and its slightly awkward. This is a very well written poem.
congratulations
keep up the good work -
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Thank you so much, I must of read this over like 100 times after i wrote it and i never noticed that "Flesh" is on line 5 twice, lol, thanks for pointing that out, now i have to spend a few minutes trying to change the line or change it over. I think it's cause it's a really high-speed song that i did that, i must of just never noticed
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The ambiguity mixed with the rage is an irresitible combination here. I love it! Very sad, but very angry. You walk the fine line between the two with flawless balance. Well done.
Best of luck and thanks for entering! -
wow this is really amazing... deaht and love... it all conects in so may ways...
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