i miss my baby
my little girl
whos asleep
for ever more
i want to hold her little hands
and count her little toes
i miss my little Mezeker
i want to tell her storys
that are left untold
i want my little baby
even though she is away
i want her with me God
why didnt you let her stay
she is all that i am wanting
and God can you do this for me
sing my baby a sweet song
befor she goes to sleep
Author notes
I just lost my little girl on 8/10/07 this poem is for her. this contest is one that i feel i might do well on. i had my little girl still born so i dont even know what she looks like......i want to hold her..i should have..i should have told her not matter what i will be there for her...i should have held her....
A contest entry
- Sleep In Peace (Baby Picture Inspiration) by Girl With Guitar.
1100 points, ended November 24, 2007, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Guaranteed Comments! by Nam.
425 points, ended October 23, 2007, 72 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - One Whole Year by Death of the Author.
600 points, ended November 13, 2007, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Crying... by near1202apocalypse.
450 points, ended January 14, 2008, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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awww... this is so sad... this poem really clearly shows the pain that you suffer here... and I am really sorry that you had to go through this. This is so wonderfully written...
Good luck in the contest and thank you for entering,
Donna -
Beautiful and know the Lord has told her you love her!!!
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Firstly...well I'm sorry. My parents lost a child too, before they had me and I know it is probably the worst pain anyone could feel.
i want to tell her storys
that are left untold
That is a wonderful little line.
Good luck in the contests, but that seems hardly worth saying...none of this is of any consolation I'm sure.
Take care x -
I'm sorry for your loss, truly...
Well, it's definetly a sad poem, and though quite simple, it's beautiful this way. Expressing everything, as it is obviously written with emotion
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I feel this would read better if it were left-aligned.
"i want to tell her storys" - "storys" would be "stories".
I had a problem with this on two points. You use a word that should have an apostrophe. The only reason why I didn't point it out above, is because some people choose not use apostrophes, but, one should always use them because sometimes a word without an apostrophe creates another that could be misinterpreted in the reading of the poem.
The other is that you do not have any punctuation. It's fine if one doesn't know how to properly use it, I am sure I mess up using it at times, too. I think most of us do. However, I do feel you should at least have the question marks where you ask questions even if other punctuation is not used.
Overall: I think it could use work in the points I mention above, your choice if you wish to take my opinions or not. It's a nice story but it could use some tweaks.
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hmmm, I thought your comments were a little harsh, especially on a poem about a stillborn baby.
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She/he (I didn't look) entered it into one of my contests, as noted above in the list of contests she's entered this in. I do not know if she read the contest "guidelines", but, in it I state that my comments are "critiques", and if they do not wish to have critiques, they shouldn't enter into the contest. So, whether you find it "harsh" or not, based on subject matter, isn't my problem.
There's nothing negative about my comment. I just gave suggestions on how to improve the work. So, therefore, it's not "harsh".
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oh love, im so sorry...
god, im crying now...
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Such a terrible tragedy, my dear. I almost cried... That last verse just had such an impact on me, and I realized that, though I won't be a mom for a long time yet, something so horrible can happen to anyone. God bless little Mezeker, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Blessings,
L.
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sad
so sad and heartbreaking but such a beautiful tribute
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"and God can you do this for me
sing my baby a sweet songs
befor she goes to sleep" Wow, that is beautiful. One thing I'd like is if you go over this and fix up grammer and spelling. Nice rhyming and a very beautiful piece.
♥
Bandaid. -
This was a heartwrenching piece. When i lost my little girl 13 years ago, it devastated me.It has every year since then. But God has her, and lifts me daily. Knowing she is amongst the Maker brings me peace especially seeing the world today.
You will too soon heal my dear.
Love ya
Mom
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