My head distends and wanes,
Completely in beat with my heart.
My lungs falter; slowing into gasps
As my hearing withers into deafness.
My vision narrows to a pinpoint,
Wreathed in pulsing, purple static,
And I'm tingling like a blood-starved nerve.
Wait, I know this overwhelming sensation;
Like I'm spinning into infinity;
Or descending into an endless oblivion.
But then I'm plummeting back to reality
And I reach out, hoping for some leverage,
Praying for a rope, a ledge, a hand;
Needing something to tether me to this feeling.
But, there is nothing there to grip;
So I fall, already mourning the loss
Of this tantalizing sensory onslaught.
My speed surging, the wind whips by my ears;
It becomes a deep, vehement, roar
Just as I slam back into my body.
Shit, I'm back;
It's gone;
I'm numb again.
Author notes
This is about how it feels to be dizzy or have a head-rush or what-have-you, and not wanting the feeling to end because you're usually so damn numb.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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(Stunned into Silence)
That was awesome. Like a tantric orgasm of some sort. It does suck when you come back down from that kind of high. Love you peaches!
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sorry it took me this long to get back here, just got promoted at work and got caught up working, any how, love the first 7 lines, excellent vocabulary and descriptions of the dizzy feeling, creates fantastic imagery and the flow was awesome, the next 3 lines are excellent as well but leaves the reader thinking something about to be revealed, but then you go in a different direction:
But then I'm plummeting back to reality
And I reach out, hoping for some leverage,
Praying for a rope, a ledge, a hand;
Needing something to tether me to this.which with the A.N. makes me think that you like the dizzy feeling but then its about to go away and youd feel fine again, but then the last few lines make it sound like,
But, there is nothing there to grip
So I fall, trying to commit this feeling to memory.
And then I crash back into subsistence.
Shit, it's gone; I'm numb again....like the dizzy feeling isnt going away, yet you cant remember what it feels like, and then the whole thing is gone or something, so i dont know if you want the feeling or not or dont know, I like the concept and its very creative and original, maybe adding some lines to help the reader with the direction you want to take might help, sometimes I think freewrite poems are either too directional and dont sound poetic or too poetic and doesnt leave a clear direction, yours for the most part is balance well in the beginning esspecially but could use some extra length in my opinion towards the end. still fantastic job it was an enjoyable read!!!!
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Thank you for the very helpful comment. I asked you for one because I wasn't sure I was in love with the original but I couldn't figure out exactly why. Well, I took your advice to heart and I changed the ending; I think it is much better now. So, thank you once again and if you ever want me to return the favor just send me a link and a message.
Later,
*
Lady Lilly
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DAMN!! I think you just read my mind. Very well done. I loved the ending the best.
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