[From an outsiders view]
Oh, look how happy she is, her smile is so bright.
She laughs and giggles, filled with such delight.
She must not have many problems, she has an air of joy.
Her life is filled with happiness, of her beautiful little boys
~~~~
Little do they know, that deep down inside
Im filled with such an anger and hatred I cant hide.
I love my little boys, and Jeremy is my all,
But inside me is a darkness, I don't know what to call.
Sometimes I feel it overtaking, like in the end it might win.
I know I need to fight it, but not sure of where to begin.
I can't ask for help, I need to do this on my own.
All that I can tell you, is that by the end of this, it has grown...
Author notes
Thanks Kris for the title
In a list
A contest entry
- whatever you want by Anonymous Shadow.
600 points, ended October 1, 2007, 119 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 2007 - everything under 25 lines by leander.
1000 points, ended January 17, 2008, 167 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
.......
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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that anger is called
"sleep deprived/loneliness/some sort of depression/mixed with fatigue"
I know the feeling all too well.
this mightn't be what this piece is about, but thats what spoke out to me, a darkness you don't know what to call.
another great write.
♥
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This definately has a huge impact on the reader. Simple poetry, yet full of anger and emotions - and even though I don't really fancy this kind of poetry, I'm still moving this to the preliminary list for consideration.
The power you have here, the strength and all that with pure anger and raw emotions. And you have managed to capture this all in a great and perfect rhymescheme, and flawless flow...
It leaves one wondering what has triggered this to grow so violently.
thank you for entering this contest, I wish you the best of luck
Leander -
Very interesting write. I especially liked the outsider's view stanz
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wow.this poem is awesome specially its structure.nice job.
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The way this poem is set up is absolutely beautiful! I love the contrast between the views. I think we so freely judge people, and I think you tackled that concept VERY well! I love the flow and your rhyming is outstanding in this poem. I can't wait to read more by you!
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Powerful wordings, Emily.
I like how you started it from a view of someone who is looking in and then revealed how you feel on the inside. I've always liked that approach so kudos to you on that.
The rhyme is nice - I'm still insistant on making you do more free verse - but this worked well.
Your words shone with such hatred and "darkness", if you would, and it made the reader feel your pain.
Title suggestions: Where to Begin, By the End [of this], Chaotic Expressions.
Nicely penned piece. Keep up the good work and I will be around to read.
Always and forever,
Aqua Tinted
♥
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