Above, flickered flare-
An evanescent ballet,
Spoons of fire poured.
Velvet cosmos, pregnant with evening moon,
Splayed sapphire-ash over River, still.
Avow, she swoons, Night a tempered typhoon,
The irksome wind bound against his will.
Silver fins splash, a flash of popping gill.
Submerged smiles, seeming soft and callow,
Ride the tide, tamed by the moon, full and bright,
Air sharp with the scent of liquid aloe.
In distant loom, a dorsal fin in sight,
Gamboling flukes- the fish fly in fright.
Aqua predators endured, feast in end,
Lend swift goodbye in their silent retreat,
Abandoning mourning hearts, God to mend-
Sad in placid breeze, midnight hunt complete,
Scaled survivors reign soft sighs in defeat.
Scuttling crabs hush, heron stands withdrawn.
Fish, frozen in silence, honor their dead.
Afar, a “pfft” resounds; the dolphins have gone.
Sympathy short, a swoop from river’s bed,
As the fish remain where others have fled.
Evening glow immersed,
Frayed dreams on somnolent shores
Washed up after storm.
Author notes
option 3
A contest entry
- Give me lots of imagery! 5 Optionssss; for everyone by perfectsunset.
450 points, ended October 3, 2007, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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very imaginary
excellent write...swooms of color on words of the swift pen...excel and you have triumghed...keep up the good writes ...peace Katie
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Thank you so much for the lovely feedback. I appreciate it!
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"Scuttling crabs hush, heron stands withdrawn.
Fish, frozen in silence, honor their dead."
Just one gem found in this jewel of a write. Rich with imagery and insight. Well done, poet!
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Oh, thank you so much. I am quite grateful for the lovely feedback.
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Excellent imagery.
What a fantastic journey you have taken your readers on..
Beautiful bronze
Many blessings
~A~
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Aw, thank you a grand. I appreciate the kind words! Many blessings!
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I love your rhyme rhythm in this one! Lots of imagery and imagination, excellent wording of things here, I love it! Great work!
I'm glad to see a trophy on this one.
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Um... wow? Incredible imagery and diction. The best part about this is how natural the rhyme is. You read a lot of poems that sacrifice rhythm to make a difficult rhyme, which just kills it for me. Your piece kept pouring out beautiful images steadily and naturally. Really terrific.
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Thanks a good grand! I really appreciate the kind words.
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I am in complete agreement. Your descriptions were amazing. It certainly painted a beautiful picture of what the sea is like. Your poem was very full of imagery, a lot of thought was put into this, and i enjoyed it a lot!
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on the beach
What a great word picture - I felt as if I were sitting on the beach watching the entire event unfold
Superb!
S23
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Brilliant
Very vibrant with a subtle happiness pervading throughout.
You set up the atmosphere very well.
"Velvet cosmos, pregnant with evening moon,
Splayed sapphire-ash over River, still.
Avow, she swoons, Night a tempered typhoon,
The irksome wind bound against his will.
Silver fins splash, a flash of popping gill."
Is my favorite stanza, your rhymes are very natural.
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nice
Avow, she swoons
Night
A tempered typhoon
I understood it better this way, but then again what you mind sees is in the eye of the beholder
And that mystery is perfectly awesome!!!
Great work!!!
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a cracking read!!!
descriptive metaphor that paints a picture in the reader's mind.
blew me away. well done, keep up the good work!
a magnificent piece!!!
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can't believe i missed this
Great write . congrats on the bronzie. Nice flow and descripts. A real mixture with imagination.
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an amazing piece of poetry.....
Velvet cosmos, pregnant with evening moon,
Splayed sapphire-ash over River, still.
Avow, she swoons, Night a tempered typhoon,
The irksome wind bound against his will.
Silver fins splash, a flash of popping gill.
Submerged smiles, seeming soft and callow,
Ride the tide, tamed by the moon, full and bright,
Air sharp with the scent of liquid aloe.
In distant loom, a dorsal fin in sight,
Gamboling flukes- the fish fly in fright.
I am without words at the moment. This is such a delicous mixture of masterful poetry, swashed in on salty shores. I can get such a clear visual of the castaway. Congratulations on the bronze!
Knight70
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Hey, you're welcome. This was brilliant!
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Wow
This was amazing and beautifully written words displaying a plethora of imagery, colour, and life. I really enjoyed reading this. These lines were my favourite "Velvet cosmos, pregnant with evening moon,
Splayed sapphire-ash over River, still.
Avow, she swoons, Night a tempered typhoon," Everything flowed so well. Thanks for sharing! Best of luck in my contest
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Thanks a grand! I really appreciate the positive feedback.
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Very vivid -- I can so easily see the predators and the survivors. Good luck in this contest.
Lady D
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Oh, wow. Thanks a lot!
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