In wondrous strife and vacillation,
Her sapphire eyes adorned the night.
Insisting visual stimulation,
A sinner’s pause: A vigil light.
Dear miss if chance were not a number
And pride was not in fear of loss,
My dreams would bind me deep to slumber:
The breadth of which I’d crawl across.
Those jewels that drift in pallid skin,
Adorned by starved and sharpened bone,
Provokes desire and mild chagrin
Like paupers to a bourguignon.
What eyes! The blue of day undying,
A seraph clothed in utter want.
I beg my mind, refrain from prying
And turn from hunger’s debutante.
Abject indeed, the ruse of men,
Impervious to an angel’s plights.
Who time and time and time again
Pass by her hopeful Bengal lights.
The weary world, it weeps for her
As one last breath is slowly blown.
That cerulean blaze, my saboteur,
Lies quenched upon the heartless stone.
In a list
A contest entry
- Looking to be impressed... by ellipsist.
1100 points, ended November 23, 2008, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pre-writes & Fresh Writes Welcome Here! by LadyUnique.
300 points, ended January 17, 2008, 65 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I just need to know if I am a worthwhile poet.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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feels like a desire getting the best of someone. Most excellent phrase-descriptions reiterating the omnipotent imagery. My only instinct about alterations is a bit of a stretch. I love the flow from the fifth line until the end... I think the opening line would be stronger if it swapped around a little and instead started with:
A sinner’s pause: A vigil light.
(and then picked up with)
In wondrous strife and vacillation,
Her sapphire eyes adorned the night.
Insisting visual stimulation.
but then again, that's just me. I tend to always want a line I'm in love with to happen right off the bat to hook 'em. Anyways, very beautiful, very sad... i love that it's easy to see the important colors here that match the feeling of the theme.
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yep succulent
on the finalist's list this goes 
thank you for entering and best of luck
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I like the rhyme scheme, utilized very beautifully... the piece is a bit heavy on descriptions, in some places, for my personal taste, but I've no qualms with this piece other than that... wonderful writing - thanks for sharing this piece!
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This is beautiful ElijahsRaven. I am swept away by it well done.
A seraph clothed in utter want.
I beg my mind, refrain from prying
And turn from hunger’s debutante.
Abject indeed, the ruse of men,
Just beautiful words these. And your rhythm is soft and gentle. I adored it. This bares truly your poets soul and I look forward to reading more of your work. You are going on my favourites
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This was very interesting. I would say that you are a worthwhile poet. I am definitely hoping that you post more on Allpoetry. I see that you are new, welcome. I'm Tarja. If there is anything I can do to help you let me know.
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