Your tasteless absence,
like a virtual poster on my wall,
reminds me to forget
as my eyes wide shut
recreate a memory
from fractals.
A word is trapped between these lips,
unwanted and misspelled,
crawls in madness through meanings
and it hurts...
Inside, a candle burns its lullaby,
my word has now its own shadow,
estranged sibbling from the past,
Oh, my orphan child of the unspoken!
Author notes
I miss you so much!
A contest entry
- Pre-Write Challenge by Nicolette Everett.
450 points, ended November 25, 2007, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Silence by KnightOfTheRose.
375 points, ended December 20, 2007, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 168th Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended January 24, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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AMAZING!
Kinda caught me off gaurd , but i liked it !
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this was really very striking, and i didn't understand it the first time so it required a second, more careful reading- i love that!
keep it up. ^.^
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this was a very good poem you have great talent you should not be the way you are because you are a very bright individual who is soon going somewhere if you keep the faith
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this was a very interesting poem you have issues
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First let me say that the picture you chose to greet the reader was just captivating, it really lures the reader in and makes them anxious to read ... and you do not disappoint.
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so raw and beautiful
i think that this is my favorite of yours so far...it's very very raw and honest and heart-wrenching.
it actually makes me really want to ask: what is the word?
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WOw I love the flow and rythm you gave this. well done.
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whoa excellent again (sighs with envy) brilliant choice of words and a beautiful word flow. well done
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WOW! THIS is really a step above what I have been reading here lately, A very challenging write in the fact that it is raw. That's what I really like about it. Yet the writer is so beautifully articulate.
....Inside, a candle burns its lullaby,
....My word has now it's own shadow...
This has magic.
You have out done yourself!
MANNY MANY BLESSINGS GYPSY,
LOWELL POE
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Great job on this! Thank you so much for entering! Excellent work and the best of luck in my contest!
-Steve- -
My Goodness… or rather, Your Greatness.
Tasteless absence, wide shut;
Words unwanted;
Crawls, hurling;
Candle burns its lullaby –
Word’s own shadow;
Estranged sibling!
You truly have a gift for imagery… I very much enjoyed every minute!
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An intriguing poem. It makes you think about what your trying to say and at the same time, it seems like the answer is right there in the poem.
Good job!
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Intriguing
I enjoyed this poem uncertain of the meaning as I guess it could mean a few things.
I like, 'reminds me to forget,' paradox is used here. I remind myself to forget sometimes.
Well done, and continue with the incredible way you put things into words. Looking forward to reading more poetry.
~Rach x
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A beautiful read...
You write of amazing description and superb imagination... You combined words to create a haunting atmosphere...
recreate a memory
from fractals
Amazing...
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I LOVE IT!!! The imagery with the obscure thoughts and phrases are great. such as "A word is trapped between these lips, unwanted and misspelled" it is really amazing. the thing that i believe could be better would be at the end. it just seems a little to complicated. you have an idea and it is good, but the wording seems a bit complicated. the direction you were going for was unclear with these 2 lines "my word has now its own shadow, estranged sibbling from the past" Probably one of the best i have ever read. the anticipation of the next line just leaves you on your tip toes waiting. REALLY GREAT POEM!!! A DEFINITE FAVORITE OF MINE!
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Oh wow. I really enjoyed this poem. It made me think, which is often unusual. You display a lot of depth in this poem and I really enjoy it. Well written. ♥
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Hmm. That was wow.YEs,simply wow,wonderful,short,touching and just great.i like this stanza better: word is trapped between these lips,
unwanted and misspelled,
crawls in madness through meanings
and it hurts... -
wow, that was astonishing, and i rarely say that about anything mind you, be it written work or riff's on guitar, i am truly amazed and to say the least i really liked that one alot, keep it up! cuase i'm so adding you to my favorites list
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Such a wonderful poem-I felt ashamed I didn't read it earlier. Everything in it was to love: even the free verse, which I don't usually enjoy!! You manage to put it in such a perfect way, MissStranger.
"A word is trapped between these lips,
unwanted and misspelled,
crawls in madness through meanings
and it hurts..."
This pictured exactly the way I feeled so many times: Like a little "word" trapped in my class-room, between people I don't know, and who misinterpret me.
Wonderful!
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This is wonderful and so vivid in emotional image. You have used fantastic poetic devices to pound deep into the readers mind like the verse that reads;
"as my eyes wide shut
recreate a memory"
Beautiful read!
Love,
Amera♥
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"inside,a candle burns its lullaby"
lovely
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