I sit here on this desolate shore,
Writing words I know my true love will adore.
If only he find them,
And who he may be,
As my letter in the bottle will float,
Along this lonely, dreadful sea.
I write in rhyme of my one desire,
The sun shining bright,
Heating my lost fire.
Maybe your a lost soul,
Floating on a wave.
Thinking as I do,
Each other, we may, can save.
Maybe your a fisherman,
Lost on your boat.
Fate will lead you in my direction,
I hope.
Maybe your just a few miles down the shore,
Thoughts scrolling through your mind.
Hopefully, when you find my words,
Our hearts will soon entwine.
I watch as it floats away,
Sitting waiting, for another day.
For my true love to find my note,
In my bottle full of desolate hope.
Author notes
option#2
A contest entry
- Titles by Head-Full-Of-Sounds.
450 points, ended October 10, 2007, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Perfection by adsaige.
600 points, ended October 12, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - you cant handle this by lee-sharp.
300 points, ended October 9, 2007, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 145th Contest by Tarja.
450 points, ended January 11, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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So simple and yet so elegant. I think that you did a brilliant job telling your story of what you would do. I love the metaphoric style.
Thank you for entering and good luck.
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yes
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that was beautiful and brutal too.
and that final stanza, in my bottle full of desolate
hope. Taurus the bull here, not to worry, more
Gemini than Taurus 5/19/
you write with a sound passions voice, and combine it with
longing for more life's truths, unafraid to expose us. You have the ability
and imagery to really "tackle us" with your words,
and I spent a lot of time here reading you. Would love
to see you write/take on the character of another type
of woman and go wild with it...like a meek woman who
is seeking to release herself ( all the excuses and
comparisons she uses) or a proud insecure
woman who likes to always be in our face? (so she never
exposes her disgraces)
I don't know if i used the right examples, but damn girl,
you could really do it!!!! It would be a story you
just couldn't put down too.
ears2hearyou
Kathleen : ))
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Judged
You have a nice imagination and soft word play on this...overall the mystic affect it gives varies in degrees--first it's love, soft, then it's...abandoned and empty in a way...this is beautiful in it's own way, but you're presentation, the words (is it because of the rhyming scheme) felt stressed and missing something?
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. -
I really love your imagination in this one.. I was expecting a bunch of poems about an abusive drunk..lol. But you captured the title and made something beautiful out of it.
Thank you so much for you entry, and good luck in the contest.
XsoundsX
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