Dripping water
sitting cold
on the bathroom floor
mind buzzing
but sitting still
numb
barely breathing
wandering
as i look at the gun
between my eyes
if things get better
or if that's a lie
told by drug induced
victoms
of society
on their happy pills
i sit
shaking
wandering
how much quivering
would set the gun off
cold steel
on my forehead
heart racing
head pounding
closer to the end
closer closer closer
it's time
to say goodbye
i close my eyes
take a deep breath
"Baby! i'm home.
I love you."
The steel drops
to the tile
BANG!
I take a breath
open my eyes
look into the face
of my lover
his face pale
in horror
"I'm sorry," i whisper
"No," he says
tears streaming
voice quivering
a rose in hand
"I'm sorry"
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 29 of 29
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this poem was so... intenses, and I loved it. You are such a great writer, I am truly jealous. These words struck me so hard.
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thank you once again.
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wow
i hope you don't really feel like that but i loved the way my heart was pounding the entire time is was reading and every line was crafted with expert and it felt like i was the one with the gun in my hand!
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Thank you for the comment.
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Wow,
LOve is so powerful, when it has you, you melt.
Thanks for sharing, all the best in love and life!
-Timothy
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thanks for the comment
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puts you on the edge great write P.S You arenever to young to marry the perso you love don't take anyones shit about either
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Thank you for the kind words
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this is really good its totally powerful and it really draws you in and makes u feel like you're RIGHT THERE
peace, love, & cheese -
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thanks for reading
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THank you
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I felt like i was their watching it happening not being able to do anything. I could feel my heart beat faster and i stoped breathing. I'm glad for the happy ending. It's so sad and so amazing.
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thanks so much, i'm glad you liked it.
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Powerful write
The pain & despair in this very strong write. wow so thorough but with a beautiful ending. & I to write real life poetry. smile
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Thank you
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HOLY SHIZ!!!
wow this is absolutly amazing your so good at expressing urself i have been writing since before i was six and are no where near this good. great job!!!!!
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Thank up
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oh my god
This is such a good one!I love how he says sorry...It sounds to me like he thinks it his fault for not being there.
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Thanks so much!
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Wow,
That really had me there for a second. It's like watching a film and seeing this all in action, then sitting there and waiting, and at that exact moment, the totally unexpected happens. So amazing! -
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Thanks so much, i'm glad you liked it.
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this was such a good write. i liked your short staccato sentences, they really added to what you were saying. i can relate to this to a point, and you portrayed the message very very well. great job with this one. <3
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thank you once again for your oppinion. It is good to get such good reviews And thank you on the quotes as well.
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Oh. This was so painful to read. I read through this twice, and each time I did, it seemed to have so many layers underneath. Such a deep write full of tangible emotions.
I loved the ending. Almost made me cry- because it was so simple. An 'I'm sorry'- yet holding so much beauty and care within. I love your ending.
&& your style is amazing. Truly awesome- the short words kept the tension. A very powerful write. GREAT JOB!!!
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Thank you so much for the indepth comment.
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.wow. absolutely amazing. everyone of your poems gets better an better. i love your writing !
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Thank you
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wow
that is amazing i love this its suspensful and saddening in all concepts and then just well wow i am truly amazed -
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thank you. im glad you liked it.
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