Gathered like wraiths around a fire the soldiers,
they sing to the chthonic gods for victory.
Shrewd voices pouring far below the tenebrous earth:
"Blood!Blood!Blood!" they demand and raise their spears.
Snow and rain fall tangled in an ominous embrace,
plenty the blood meant to be spilled will be the coming day.
The men think that it will wash away their sins,baptizing them again,
that it will release the land from its thirst.
Only blood can run down the glen and paint it crimson
and then when the night falls color the moon of grief .
We are brought to life and snatched from it by its red presence.
Undead those who drink it,fallen the ones who shed it.
The soldiers are hushed now by the silence of Death,
his approach gripping their tongues and their hearts.
Admiration in their eyes as he falls hard upon the land,
his cold hand will soon spread to seize the slain.
A thousand such eves the ageless stars have witnessed.
awaiting merciless battles and murders and betrayals.
Death's lullaby can only be heard before and not throughout the storm.
It cannot be spoken,only seen with eyes destined to close.
Next to a shovel and a spear the soldiers sleep that night
until there is no longer a bloody eve,but a murderous dawn.
"Blood!Blood"Blood!" they demand and raise their spears
until all blood has streamed out of the veins and soaked the earth.
A contest entry
- I WANT SOMETHING DARK AND SCARY AND FRIGHTENING by esroddo.
475 points, ended September 29, 2007, 9 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Perfection by adsaige.
600 points, ended October 12, 2007, 18 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I think this was written very well. It reminds me of 300.
I love this "Blood!Blood!Blood!" they demand and raise their spears". "Snow and rain fall tangled in an ominous embrace" - this sounds so beautiful.
This was written very well. There wasn't really anything I didn't like. I don't think anyone could've done this better than you. You have a unique style that I love. <3
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Judged
This is defintely dark, not sure if it's scary and frightening, however the imagery, metaphors really morph this piece to, what I suppose is part--if not it's full--potential. It appeals to the reader, not exactly sure if this background accents the work, nonetheless, I'm comtemplating whether or not to add this to the finalist. All in all, I like this piece. -
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Thank you for your precise comment.I always welcome this kind of critique.You are actually right,i also felt that i didn't bring the poem to its full potential,probably because of the circumstances under which i wrote it.What do you mean by this "not exactly sure if this background accents the work"?
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Well applauded
Brillant write with such great imagery and darkness I love it so much I had to read it twice, I loved this stance;
"Only blood can run down the glen and paint it crimson
and then when the night falls color the moon of grief .
We are brought to life and snatched from it by its red presence.
Undead those who drink it,fallen the ones who shed it."
Thank you for entering and good luck
LISA
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very powerful and dark, Well done. I found it a little difficult to read with the colours but great work. Good luck!
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