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Emaciation - (D]read beyond the Red Line Bread Line Sum Some Tread

 

Red Line

 

Anorexic li[f]e lines superficial.
No leeway as will o'whi[s]p mannequin
Yearns for frustration's runway vent too thin,
Wedge won't table. Supper intersticial
Hear[t] tempts as self-contempt squares artificial
Energy burn, spurns calory litter bin.
Rewards seem self-destructive not win-win,
Excuse obtuse to sense starve. Maleficial.
A vicious circle, virtual victual,
No little trouble gives.  Perceptions spin,
Yet edit diet tide tied to angels' pin,
Or pinpoint swift necrology official.
Need feeds feed's needs, gaunt, haggard, skinny, lean,
Emasculated... still seeks pastures green.
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Acrostic sonnet ANYWHERE ANYONE


note :
'Yet edit diet tide tied to angels' pin,'

Beyond the papal debate on how many angels could stand on the head of a pin, note EDIT DIET TIDE TIED are anagrams

Pic Thin Red Line
http://www.flickr.com/photos/mads1539/469652740/sizes/l/

Red Line Drops
http://www.flickr.com/photos/imkhan/474327620/

Scissors pic
http://circle--of--fire.deviantart.com/art/Eating-Disorder-Series-Fat-77441992

Inner hunger pic http://www.flickr.com/photos/hellophotokitty/371116482/

In a list

A contest entry

Courtesy welcome and extended [Reward: double points]

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 29 of 29

  • Lsh-x
    August 28
    ?
    Edit | Reply
    This is a great piece!! And I love it, the way you set it out and the emotions lingering from your words are so powerful, and intense.

    A fantastic poem on Eating disorders.


    Thanks for entering, and good luck in the contest!

    Laura-Stone-Heart-x

  • PhantomsAngel87 Greeters member
    July 27

    Edit | Reply
    This is an excellent poem, however the first rule I asked was to please wait until after judging to enter this in another contest and you haven't so I am very sorry but I am DQ'ing this sadly.

    . Rewarded 4


  • DevinCora
    July 18

    Edit | Reply
    this has to be by far my favorite eating disorder poem. it made anorexia seem so dark andboring.... yet so intense and scary. i cant pin point everything i loved about it.... your form your ords your descriptions were just perfect and i wish i could give you a million clappys

    . Rewarded 6


  • glamour guts
    July 17

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this,the word usage and pictures helped.
    even though the flow felt a bit adrift at places,
    Im still pretty into it.

    Good luck and thank you for entering.


    P.S: please put the appropriate note in your author notes or i will have to dq you.

  • hollowriver
    July 15
    Edit | Reply
    rarely seen style
    i ave to say
    ut true meaning
    and that can't be denied

  • BarbedWireButterfly
    July 8

    Edit | Reply
    An interesting style that I rarely come across. Interesting language and technique in writing. Thank you for entering and good luck.

  • HeartbreakHeroine-x
    May 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is absolutely wonderful. Your word usage is excellent and intriguing and the acrostic is clever too Intense, beautiful, and comes across almost like a stream of consciousness but from a mind that speaks in perfectly ordered rush of I-don't-even-know-what, but it's amazing. If that made any sense at all.

    well penned...
    a fascinating write, one that I could
    "Excuse obtuse to sense starve. Maleficial.
    A vicious circle, virtual victual, "

    thank you for your entry, and good luck...

    ~QoA
  • Labefaction
    April 28

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very expressive poem, especially because your choice of words is so beautiful and intense. It was kind of confusing the first time I read it, but every time I reread it I notice another detail that I like, which is just awesome. Thank you.

  • Midnight-x-Rose silver member
    April 17

    Edit | Reply
    This is a very intense write, that describes the feeling often associated with this condition very well. I liked the layout of this piece and how it became an acrostic, also interesting choice of words. Didn't quite understand the letters in [b]rackets at first, but now get it. This is a very strong piece.

  • I Am Gun
    April 2

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this a lot, although you didnt tell me what option you used, pleaselet me know and then to the finalist list you shall go.

    chrissy

  • Sprite silver member
    March 13

    Edit | Reply

    inventive

    This is well constructed. I love the sentiment spelled out by the first letters. That is so often the case with people who have low self esteem, who feel life is cruel.

  • Dead Star--x
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    Rewards seem self-destructive not win-win,

    i like this line
    but people with an eating disorder dont see it that way, they see it as simply reaching their goal, accomplishment. They dont see the self-destruction they see the beginning of being beautiful
    and thats where its deadly
    Dead Star--x

  • blondone silver member
    February 3

    Edit | Reply
    Well crafted writing skills, love the form and the flow deep seeded emotions a great poem thank you for entering

  • Kiddy
    December 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Well Done.

    Beautiful diction!
    A good choice of subject. I'm impressed.
    All the best in the contest

    Luv
    -Kiddy


  • AutumnsFlame
    November 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Well I'm not much of an acrostic person, but it's really hard to make those rhyme, so great job. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck

  • Winklings gold member
    October 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    A fascinating write.

    On behalf of the judging panel, I wish you success with this poem.
    Lyndon.

  • Willy Winkler
    October 19, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    This is quite clever

    There is much to look at and admire from the point of intelligent design.
    You have gone for the abba abba abba cc. This is quite masterful. Anagrammatically wonderful; word play with insertion, letter play words; acrostically accurate.
    Then, the three quatrains are on schedule as well; as is the rhyming couplet.
    The travel from starvation to emasculation has been intellectual fun. You are a clever person!
    Best wishes, Derry. (Filling in for Ron ~ aka Lyndon).


  • Annastacia
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderfully Written

    Very well done!!! I notice it is an entry in a contest, I wish the best. I did notice before you note the Acrostic and the anagrams.
    Anna


  • InkStains
    October 4, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    absolutely stunning

    Your vocabulary and intelligence are ever so refreshing, thank you first for that.
    This piece is truly art, very well constructed and crafted with much care and thought.
    Altogether beautiful, I'm so glad that it is here to be read.


  • klassy lassy
    October 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    There is always more starved than the body when anorexia wears one to skin and bones. I admit I do not understand the psychosis behind it, but it is a very disturbing phenomenon, as is any addiction.

    The anagrams of diet are very telling, and angels are needed, indeed. How ironic that anorexia ends up devouring the beauty it's victim sought to begin with by not eating.

    You've combined so many of your skills in this.
    The subject matter is sobering, but your talents make this a fascinating read. ~Karen


  • ellipsist
    September 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    powerful...

    exceptional...


  • blondone silver member
    September 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    lovely write and thank you for entering


  • sshevak
    September 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Excellent as Usual

    Wonderful flow and perfect vocabulary, u're very clever guy Yonassan.. The imagery is also excellent.


  • Room without doors silver member
    September 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    This is a highly abstract poem that looks at anorexia with fresh insight. The language seemed to reflect the condition, unhealthy and wasting away to nothing. The mind centred on starving rather than living. This is a fantastic poem.


  • Providence
    September 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Working with women these past many years, I have come to face and help them work through the many of the illnesses and neurosises that can accompany them on their journey of becoming. This one is a killer. And not too many realize how deadly. Seeds planted in adolescence slowly wear away the semblance of health and beauty..

1 - 29 of 29