I will tell you of my life
Every man I thought cared about me,
Used me in every sense of the word used!
Imagine if you will
married at sixteen fairytale dreams? Laugh...
Mostly of escaping my alcoholic father and my mother's hurts.
Still I thought it was love, what did I know at sixteen?
First year went okay, I moved away to Virginia .
My first clue should have been when he sold my car,
and didn't tell me where the money went!
after a year there, back home we went .
He started drinking, even though things seemed normal.
I was a child trying to be a woman, cleaning, cooking.
The drinking started, some physical abuse .
I still tried so hard!
By the time I was nineteen, things were getting bad.
Long story, so I will shorten it.
A fight happened, I was crying and asked him what he wanted of me?
His words to this day ring clearly in my ears...
He screamed, all I want is my dinner cooked, my clothes washed and your legs spread!
Pain gripped me deep in my heart I knew this wasn't my fairytale nor was I loved!
Yes, I kicked him out that very night. Divorced within the month!
Swore that would never happen again!
Guess what, I met a man .
This one was good at first too I never married him but lived with him for five years .
We had a child together, plus he had to children of his own.
This one hides his drug problem, 'til one day I saw him shoot up!
I have to say this one lead me into the drug scene but no needle ever touched my skin!
One night both drunk, and coked up ...He tried to make me have sex with a man I didn't even know.
I left, I didn't do it ...was I just a piece of meat to these men! To use as they pleased!
It's painful just to write this thinking why would he share me?
Did he not love me?
I was to all of them will work or sell or share or use for sex!
As I tell you my secrets tears flow not many know this .
I left him as well!
I won't even get into my life after that, cause I am living it now .
Will someone show me where the real love is?
I was asked one day, "What do you really want?"
To my own suprise my voice echoed in my own ears, "Just real love!"
I cried for the first time realizing I have never had it...
So, if I think back now and look around ...
Should I just hold a sign up
" I will be used for sex to get fake love!"?
Silver trophy winner
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