Smoke drifts from the extinguished candle,
Just how many ticks of the clock can he handle.
In his shirt pocket, a bullet's all that is seen,
It's nothing that he'll need.
A mug half full of Whiskey sits by the shelf.
He stumbles muttering off that he's got nothing left.
He tries to tell himself that he's not drunk.
He hasn't showered in days, like liquor, his breath stunk.
He moves the shotgun over behind the door,
Holding it back with a box of shells, he walks up to his whore.
He calls her his wife, but he pays every night,
He lifts her up by the hair and says "We leave tonight."
It was a humid night on the Louisiana bayou.
Completely out of sight, and this he knew.
He turned around and his whore ran for the door.
She had no idea what was in store.
Temptation, it grabs his finger by the trigger.
It slips in the shells, temptation sliding deeper.
It cocks back the gun, and his hand is aimed.
"It's too bad I never knew your name..."
A contest entry
- 7 Trophies or LESS. LOTS OF POINTS by God is my reality.
700 points, ended September 29, 2007, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - AllPoetry Extravaganza--3 Month Gold and Silver Membership by Violet Moodswing.
1500 points, ended November 28, 2007, 67 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 2007 - everything under 25 lines by leander.
1000 points, ended January 17, 2008, 167 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
It played out like something from Rob Zombie in my mind. Odd and disgusting.
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Well this is quite a dark poem you have written again, morbid and eerie as well! Great imagery, could be some kind of crime soap or something
Thanks for this entry as well!
Leander -
Like a living dead girl huh?
Thanks for your temptation poem. Good luck in the contest.
Lisa -
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I just... well, in my mind, I saw worse than what is written, but I was thinking more along the lines of "The Devil's Rejects".
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Wow... Great story told within this piece... Beautifully written indeed. I love the way you used the prompt in this. Great imagery, I can almost see him and all his actions before my very eyes. the rhythm and rhyme simply adds to its beauty.
Keep up the good work, and Good luck in the contest!
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Damn, that was something. I couldn't bear to finish, yet, I couldn't stop!! Those sultry Louisiana nights,
I miss those bayous...
Good Luck in this contest,
Jin
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It's good, and I've said it at leas a million + one times before that you are very talented. But It was kind of hard for me to read this... I was asaulted last year at school, by a guy that was at least two times bigger than me, and he didn't stop at dragging me by my hair and throwing me against the wall, he hit me repeatedly, my neck, arms, and legs were black and blue. He threatned me... so I didn't tell anyone for the first four days I kept the bruises covered as best I could, but eventually my boyfriend's best friend noticed one of the bruises and figured it out pretty quick. He told my boyfriend....there was a fight the next day at school, 11 to 1 11 on my side against the guy that assaulted me. There were knives every where and I couldn't do anything except sit in my boyfriend's turck (where he made me stay till he was done)and cry. This was hard for me to read cause it reminded me so much of that.
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This is why I said it ws like something from a Rob Zombie movie or something. Just because I wrote it, it's hard for me to go back and read it. I'm sorry for that, but that was kind of the intended effect. I'm sorry that happened, though.
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lol whoa...I;d run too. smart woman. I loved it. Once again, you have a knack for relating a really good story through your poetry. I loved this piece like the others. Your build up for the climax was strong and very enticing. Mad ethe reader want to know what was going to happen next. Loved the write. Keep that pen of yours scribbling...
May Your Muse Always Inspire You...
Anansia
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Holy Shit!!! this is awesome! i love it!!!! theres a poem about us backyard Louisianans'. YIPPIE!!!!
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WOW
what a great entry in this contest 
Well done and best of luck to you in the contest
delila -
WOW what a great entry in this contest
Well done and best of luck to you in the contest
delila -
WOW what a great entry in this contest
Well done and best of luck to you in the contest
delila
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The misty south rises.
this is deep I like this alot. It's dark, dramatic and just all around outstanding. I love that downsouth back water vibe you have in this poem it really builds the imagery, and makes it clear and vivid. Excellent write. and best of luck 2ya in those contest.
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This was so well written. I loved how you used the temptation propmt in the last stanza to such great effect. Almost like personification of it. Good luck in the contest.
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one word: wow!!!
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Odd and disgusting yet I fucking love it! Call em creepy and abnormal, but I love stuff like this. Nice job Kyle. I'm proud of you! Can you write me another like thi for my birthday next month? Please?
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