Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Robot's Regret

I dont' want to be another could have been,
a streak of rust down your worn cheek,
a reminder of unopened doors
that are too painful to speak of.
I don't want to be another program glitch,
another abandoned chance at life.
I will not be the robot's regret,
I refuse to be his heavy strife.

Author notes

If you care to know what in the hoot I'm talking about, feel free to ask. :]

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Starnova
    October 24, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    though i really don't like robots (more like hate) and don't like that the poem has a resemblence to them, i do have to say, that it would be a crime against me if i was not to comgrats on such a great poem. it is well written and though some might say it makes no since or has no flow, i see the flow quite plainly and it is very smooth. i see the reflection of human pain and robot lose mixed into one in the poem and its done nicely. great poem and keep writing.


  • Danna Hobart
    October 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I really like this, except that last line bugs me. The rhyme of life and strife is too obvious, and strife just doesn't seemt to fit the tone of the poem. But the rest of it is very good. Thanks for entering.


  • artis
    October 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    it matters not of what you speak, it is a vivid picture

    of the often robotic dreariness of life, day in day out, and how one would much rather sparkle and shime in the oils of love. great write~~Artis


  • koolaid
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i care to know what your talking about

    so beautiful what are you talking about
    you said feel free to ask lol


  • DancingRed
    September 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Initial reaction - 9
    Poetic devices - 27
    Individuality/creativity - 14
    Vocabulary - 8
    Emotional engagement - 9
    Layout/organisation - 5
    Spelling/grammar/punctuation - 4
    Background/font - 5
    Overall impact - 9

    Total score - 90

    I interpret this as being about love/lust, wondering if a certain someone really is 'the one', and that feeling of not wanting to be used. Your metaphors hold your poem together very strongly. I didn't really care for the life/strife end rhyme - perhaps that could have been reworked so it was internal rhyme or non-rhyme for that part.
    And there's a stray apostrophe in the first line you might want to catch.
    Thanks for entering this fine poem.

    DancingRed.

1 - 6 of 6