In summer's sun with foliage rich,
Wild wind's low moan
That did bewitch,
I welcomed love as here to last,
My tree did groan,
Love's leaves clung fast.
My soul did sing an accompaniment,
Love's seeds not blown
By wind transient.
But Father Time did intervene,
My leafy throne
A pauper's scene.
Bereft of friends, no love to boast,
Was one alone,
A shaking ghost.
A cold wind swooped with cleansing force,
Flesh was bone,
My singing hoarse.
My purpose gone and soul dismayed,
Soft heart was stone,
My game was played.
A contest entry
- The Golden Battle by redmarkonthewall.
650 points, ended December 16, 2007, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 36 of 36
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Much deserving of the trophy, this is a wonderful piece.
♥
whisper
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Outstanding
This poem has great flow and an original use of language. I liked the way you used alliteration to enhance the poem and the unusual rhyme scheme which was very effective. Another iteresting and well-written poem.
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Insane rhymes, wonderful alliteration... first one i've read, I know I have a challenge ahead of me.
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Well done! Truly well done. I love this! It has intruiging rhyme which reminds me of one of my poems, it flows well with a good use of syllables. You also used one of my favourite poetic techniques i.e. alliteration. You did not over do it but put enough in for a good read. Though this one line I have trouble with when I read it:
"My soul did sing an accompaniment," I think it's just that I am stumbling over "accompaniment" when I read it. Sometimes I am not good at reading...
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I like this form.
Never tried it , but I think I will. This was a pleasure to read and the message was kind of universai so it fits with many situations. That is the best way to get more people to relate. I like what I've seen and Will return for more! The Shaker
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WOW!
this poem was awesome =], lol
the flow was wonderful, as was the rhyme, and then the poem itself was so errie and haunting, it was all together a lovely poem!
i can't wait to read some more by you =]
stephanie
xxx
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Tony, this is nothing short of what I have come to expect from you, brilliant words from a brilliant minded man
Cathy
♥♥♥
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This is beautiful has great imagery and a wonderful feel to it Excellent write
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Thank you for your critique.
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It's so wonderful to have the privilege to log into a site such as this and savor the sweet flowing words of another as I have done on your page. Thanks for sharing and best wishes. Keep that pen handy dear poet. ~Midnight Lace
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Electrifying!
I say that because this is a very skilledly worded poem and I love it. you really let us fele your e-motion and oh so much more through out this poem. I really love how well you penned this poem and also like the soft sub lime flow through out it. any ways this is just a wickedly awesome poem and keep up the good work
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wow!
This absolutely blew my mind!
Thank you for making me see your pain!
well done
♥ Dani -
wow..great poem, i have never been good at rhyme schemes and this was great...great write.
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aye, the ending is certainly the best.
Brought some chills throughout the time I read it - but even greater was the amount of sadness in the poem. Bereft of friends? I've heard opposite from you so I shall settle on the idea that this is fiction and not personal.
Never ♥
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Intense!
absolutely brilliant! it's astounding! -
a masterpiece mister camus....with indwelling reality on what a true being should feel, a being left alome to meet life's unaccountable challenges..
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all i can say is wow! i mean that is just so eerie. i am totaly awestruck
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Brilliant piece poet!
Vivid imagery and wonderful flow to this poem. An excellent addition to the features...
Very nicely done!
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Bravo
well done a very bewitching write indeed i love this poem so well versed and flowed so smooth the words just slide gently from the tongue the ghostly and bewitching way you wrote this keep the reader entranced a great job to say the least bravo well done
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I love it, and it's so deserving for a feature. I relate very much, and some of the phrasing is haunting in and of itself.
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very haunting .... great style and flow i like well done thanks for sharing
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Very haunting and the perfect title for this poem. Some things do stay with us, don't they. The last stanza ended this poem on a high (or is it a low?). Good flow and rhyme here.
~ Nicolette
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Great rhythm and flow and some vivid pictures left in the minds eye. Glad I clicked.
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Surronded by many yet alone. A feeling well known to many. A total adore the last stanza for I have lived it, but I know a heart of stone can be broken as well.
Very creative and deep.
:
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There was a lot of interesting word choice and I really enjoyed that... I love creativity and also the rhyming was also original... there were many forgotten words rather than the cliche rhyming pairs like love-above and such things. Well dome.. this was an interesting piece.
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Excellant/imaginative/intriguing
Wow, I loved this write, and found your imagery, rhythm and rhyme just fine. Thanks for sharing this one.
. Rewarded 4
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Wow!! This is so haunting! I love it
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Awesome
I love it. The flow was good it wasn't too eerie or too mellow. This could defiantly go in a ghost book.
Totally cool poem!
. Rewarded 4
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Great
Very intense!!! Loved it. -
wow
This is definitely your best piece so far. I did not think it was possible to write an absolutely perfect poem, but you have proven me wrong.
My soul it sang an accompaniment,
love's seeds not blown
by wind transient.
Those lines blew me away...who else rhymes accompaniment with transient? Brillantly done!
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Very lovely imagery. Bringing a tone of sadness and haunting despair. Beautiful written with excellent word choice. Nice flow and meter.
Glad I had the honor of reading it.
Love
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A beautiful write filled with vivid images. Everything changes with time. Great poetry! ....JustBreathe
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Winter had swept with cleansing force
flesh was bone
my singing hoarse
soft heart was stone
my game was played.
yeah dear life's just a game one that we play loveley words,strong and deep great write I enjoyed it esp these lines -
Ooh...I liked this one. What an eerie tone to it. Such powerful images. This is a poem I could read over and over again and find something new to see every time.
Well written and a joy to read
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