Torn

my heart is steadily ripping itself apart piece by piece.

Four loves, Four heartbreaks

My first love is back in my life. i don't know whether i should run or let my barriers down. it hurt so much the first time i had to move on... i don't think i could handle it again and i'm too scared to try.

my second love... the one who thought me to love again says he realizes how much he actually does love me. That worries me because i love him without a doubt but what if? What if he does it again? i can't compete with her. i can't and i won't. She had his heart way before me.

the ex that never fell for me until after it was all over and done with. Nearly two years later and he finally realizes how good he had it with me. I don't know if i can trust him.

And last but not least...

My boyfriend. He would give me the world on a silver platter and not think twice about it. i love him dearly but he makes me feel closterphoboic. the truck, the roses, the weekend shopping dates, meeting the parents... everything is great to the naked eye. But to me... somethingnot right.

most of these guys swear i make thier lives better but i don't see how. i don't know where my heart lies with any of them. they all just popped up on monday night and turned my already frustrated heart into something more confusing. what am i gonna do? what can i do? i can't ask myself well who do i love more because i can't even answer that simple question.i love them all so much. it's like a can feel my heart bleeding. i'm so confused and torn i just wish i could crawl away to somewhere and cry until my heart heals.