Dim and elusive are the goals,
silken strands wrap your souls.
A prisoner of your tormented mind,
pulling, pushing, grasping blind.
Caught in the very depths of hell,
twisting, writhing in your cell.
Go, slash your savage tongue,
before your words get you hung.
A handsome feast on your great pain,
addicted to something hard to attain.
You'll stay with me in this deep despair,
chained to my hell, you go nowhere.
Thrash and convulse all you need
it will speed up the delights you bleed.
Over now is my time of fasting,
for your pain will be everlasting.
Author notes
This poem was inspired by an attempt to give up smoking, basically covers how the withdrawal made me feel.
This has been entered in a lot of contest, I tend to remove the non~winners. Luckily I hadn't removed them all so I can enter it here. It was written a long time ago but has always been one of my faves. Any insight into why its never won anything would be appreciated.
A contest entry
- Have A Rewards Poem? Enter It Here!!!!! Almost Any Subject!!! by opaqueangel.
1225 points, ended December 4, 2007, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Sounds like giving up that addiction is hell indeed!! Really understood the bit about the tongue, as it must run away on you sometimes when you're in that withdrawal state...
Loving this write too!
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Congrats!!!Wow!!you really described the true feelings of how one feels going through withdrawls trying to stop smoking.Hahaha!!!This is amazing my friend.
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This was all about the emotions, and what emotions! I love the flow and feel about the poem, the rhyme didn't feel forced at all, and you do well with hyperbole. "pulling, pushing, grasping blind."
That line was powerful. It really was sort of a climax of action that really put a lot of oomph to the poem, and then sombered out by the end. Great use of tone and word-use. Congrats on the HM. (you should've gotten better). Cheers
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an amazig write. the emotions tugged at me ! Great one here!
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OMG ! I love this poem soooooo much !!!
It is truly FANTASTIC !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love the use of the powerful wording ! It is a lot my work.
Thanks for adding it ! I really can relate to this. -
This was an amazig peice! II absolutly loved this, it is so creative and so....wel amazing! I really have to be honest and I thought that you were gpoing another way with this, I almost though that it was a poem from the perspective of a man in prison, but when I read your authors notes and it was made clear what it was about I really must say I read it again and was just blown away! I just really loved the mettephores and the emotion of withdrawlS and wow! This is great! Good luck in the contest!
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A suggestion to make your piece a bit more intriguing
S.2 Suck in the very depths of hell rather than
"stuck in..." not so cliche
Thank you for entering Chained into Santan's Embrace
The serpent's ring Contest
Good effort. Keep the emotion and ink in flux...
love,
liquid -
I am so sorry ~
I can not score this Rhyming poem ~
Please re-read the Rules ~
Please try again next week ~
Bear ~
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"POD" was not placed in the author notes, and this did not abide by the format for this POD. As such I am unable to judge or score this entry.
As for the write itself.. I've quit smoking several times (from hours to 11 months as the longest) so I completely see where you're coming from on this. I think you captured the body and mind's reaction well. Nice write. ~Eric
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