For Rachel

I remember
how pretty you were
at sixteen
at New England
Music Camp:

your gorgeous smile
& your auburn hair.



We were just kids
way back then.



How we met
I can’t
quite remember now.

You took
my breath away

& gave me something
precious:

a deep love
for T.S. Eliot

and "The Lovesong
of J. Alfred Prufrock."

We were in a canoe
together once:

Lake Messalonskee
at summer camp

where the Indians
once roamed
and fished.

The calming sound of lakewater
lapping up against the land...

& we invented
our own mythology
of “Hoppy” once.

We were so happy
just being together.

Do you remember
any of this

or did you forget

because I once
wrote you
the letter.

& I said I love you
but sometimes
I want you
to just leave me alone

because I felt
so many things
for you

& in my youth
I felt so many things
and didn't know what to do...

I felt
so alone.

& I was so afraid
of being alone
again

& I’m so sorry.

I’m sorry
I pushed you
away so soon

before our love
for each other
ever had a chance
to take root
and bloom.

If only
you knew
how much
I loved you...