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Because Of You

 

 

Mellow dramatic tie up this jacket,
take me to Waterloo;
You know what you've got to do.

Inside the lining heart beat is chiming,
try'd to fix this broken smile;
Guess you know, I'm here for a while.

 

Checking me out my programs wrong,
overloaded, I'm a dangerous bomb;
My paintings smashed upon the floor.

 

Because of you... 


Adrenalin rush I'm that crazy child,
morphine fluxed, epic style;
No more keys for my padded cell,

Half way home so close to hell,
look inside my tainted jail;
One more heartbeat time will tell.

 

Because of you... 

Author notes

How hard is it for someone to be sectioned for there own protection!

option 1

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • AutumnsFlame
    January 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    OOpppsss already commented on this sorry it said I didn't in my contest.... that's odd

  • AutumnsFlame
    January 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was alright... I thought these lines interrupted the flow of it a bit:

    Adrenalin rush I'm that crazy child,
    morphine fluxed, epic style;
    No more keys for my padded cell,

    Other than that, a decent poem. Thank you for entering my contest.


    • Timespell
      January 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks...

      I did play around with it since you last commented. Maybe it sounds different second time around.

      Thanks again,

      All the best,

      ~T.S~


  • BigE
    December 6, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    It's a pretty good write, I would think you could have took me deeper into insanity. You've made it clear the character is insane, but you haven't used enough desciption to actually SHOW me. Not bad at all, but not amazing. Thank you for entering.

    Depth: 7
    Flow: 8
    Literary Device: 7
    Comprehension: 9
    Total: 7.75

  • AutumnsFlame
    November 2, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Hmmm..... this was pretty good. There COULD be more description, but other than that it was real good. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Moonlight Complex
    October 27, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Didn't follow rules, sorry automatic DQ


  • xblakxrosexremainsx
    September 25, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    BRAVO!

    great poem GOOD GOOOD GOOOOOOD job :]


    • Timespell
      September 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for commenting on the poem, glad you liked it.

      all the best

      ~T.S~


  • Just Mandiiee Now..
    September 25, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i like your presentation. the background is really good for the poem too... but try and check the flow up. its good but it could be great if you know what i mean


    • Timespell
      October 15, 2007
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks for the award

      Thanks for giving this work your Silver award.

      All the best,

      ~T.S~

    • Timespell
      September 25, 2007
      Edit | Reply
      That's the free verse catching up with me.
      I really do tend to get carried away with the moment.
      Thanks for pointing this out.

      All the best

      ~T.S~

1 - 14 of 14