i got this fever,
burning inside of me.
i am so hot!!!
when i let go,
i'm pretty sure,
i'm not gonna' be able to stop.
i'm gonna' burn up alot...
I CAN'T STOP!!!
i'm out of control.
it has gone to far.
and by the way!
i'm tired of wishing,
wishing on that first star...
MAKE IT STOP!
MAKE IT STOP!
i am out of control.
i've been here before.
thats how i know.
i'm going crazy,
here inside my minds.
what a short fucking trip...
gypsyfish
A contest entry
- A Forest of words by this is a war.
600 points, ended November 20, 2007, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
just read it
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Like the 'tell it as it is' style, it works!
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Your emotions here are strong and what ii get from this is that small still voice that we all here from time to time is something you either don't understand or something you might want to start listening to because in the end, it always has a message for us
best of luck in the contest. be well and be blessed
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Ya know i dont think those Voices inside ever can be controlled Can they ? Anyways ya know your a work of art keep writting I like CraZy people lol there imagination allways seem to run wild and Free Take care holly btw Great poem!
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holy sis
just got your comment. thanks. love you lots. love gypsyfish (always...)
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stop the madness, u will be just fine as long as u get on yahoo messenger sometime...GRRRRRRR good write though, always enjoy that bit of madness
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my Boy!!!
thanks for reading, and seeing it and calling it like it really is. love you love ma
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i've been here before.
thats how i know.
i like the way you said 'minds' total paranoia vs total awareness, haha! yeah kick arse, secrets of powered times such as these are finding the placement above the collective prison prism, zen would hold the spirit if you realeyes to focus on shinning rather than seeking... there are other numbers to shine, dancing, cleaning, throwing paint around... all good chi channels... anyheys good to hear your words again gypsy, (hey, think i'm hitting the blessed road again aye! god i can't wait for that freedom again) w chai and chocolate biscuits -JAS
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i can really relate to this as i got periodic fever syndrome good one
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Although I appreciate FindingFaith's comment, she is not entirely correct. Those who lose their sanity are highly aware and even more frightened by it. I have had more than my fair share of mental "help" so it makes sense to me.
The beginning seems to be somewhat separate from the rest of the poem. The theme seems to shift in a different direction right after "it has gone to far." If you put a transitioning line there, perhaps, it would flow better. -
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hey stride
YOU JUST TOTALLY GOT IT!!! man i am not playing. you fucking got it. and yes, i did lose it somewhere after the beginning. you get it. you are the shit. thats great. and a little bit scary... love gyspyfish
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I like the energy. I would say its very appropriate for the contest. Good use of white space, capitalization and punctuation. The way you build tension in the poem makes makes it a metaphor of your theme, the poem is going crazy right along with you. Great job!
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They say if we think we are going crazy we cannot actually be. For those who are crazy never know that they are. Yes Jesus loves you and watches out for those who are obediant and reading the word. No matter how much time I spend in it I still have days like these. God Bless...
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your right!
you know they say ( and i don't know who 'they' are) but, they say, if your crazy, you'll be the last one to know it. think about that. ha/ha HELL, I DON'T KNOW NOTHING!!!! thats my story and i'm sticking to it... love gypsyfish -
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this is to martin m clark.
that comment about 'being right' and all. love gypsyfish i just wanted you to know i was talking to you. ok?
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I really liked this, it's interesting how you made it all flow together with the rymes.
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Ummm...a little worried about you love. This poem strikes me like a top spinning out of control....like a clown that has it's smile only painted on. Girl, know that I love you, and that Jesus loves you more. HUGS-deep one
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deep one
i KNOW Jesus loves me! he loves and watches out for all little childern and fools. i rely on it... love gypsyfish
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Applaud
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Great Read
Your emotions come out clear and as usual your poem has terrific pace. You can actually shout without ranting and raving and thats a remarkable feat. I also admire the no-nonsense unapologetic manner in which this poem is written. Thanks for sharing... -
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well golly!
you are certainly welcome. and i love hearing from you. i like the way you talk. it is so elegant. love your nemisis
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